POP CULTURE SUICIDE

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2010-06-27T12:11:00.010-04:00

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where you at!?

2009-06-21T11:59:00.002-04:00

i apologize for not updating in awhile. ive been swamped at work and at home.
i will update again when i can fid the time.
this is by no means an end. i really enjoy writing reviews.
just a heads up for .. the 2 people who read this?... hahaha
ps. i havent seen a "new" movie the past 2 weeks anyway... so not missing anything...
seriously.. busy... good busy though :D
peace.

The Incredibles - 2004

2009-06-03T13:35:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG
115 min.

How did you ever miss this one!?
Seriously, this is one of Pixar's best, by far! (personally Wall-e is my favorite, but all the same, This is their best all around!)
Oh well, let's pretend like you have been trapped in a swedish prision cell for 10 years and you need to make up for lost time. So what makes this movie... (excuse the pun) so INCREDIBLE?! let me tell you!
So you like superheroes, but wondered how the "real" world would deal with them... lawsuits and destruction of buildings and what not... well they would go into a witness protection program and hang up the old cape. These heroes have done just that. On top of that, they have tried to take up normal jobs, but then heroes start dissapearing! Someone is hunting them down!
Who could it be faithful reader!? watch to find out more. This movie is just a joy and if you were in that swedish prision and have just been released due to the false charges of money laundering being dropped, then snag this one up. You'll love it, no doubt about it!
"Behold, the Underminer! I'm always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!"

_______________
OWN IT

Roll Bounce - 2005

2009-06-02T12:17:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG-13
112 min.

So, I've seen this movie awhile ago, when it first came out. But recently, VH1 has been playing it almost every weekend. I thought it would be a good time to review it, seeing as I would put it in a rental level. Now you can watch it without renting it!
The movie is the perfect lazy sunday morning movie. It's quaint and warm hearted, while still being pretty funny. It is very steeped in 1970's period humor, which is fine by be. (I'm a huge fan of the 70's.) There's a good bit of humor mixed with drama, and the acting is way above what the movie "should" have. I was very suprised with... Bow Wow's... acting abilities. If you like rollerskating, the 1970's and Kool and the gang go and watch this one the next time it's on TV.
"The point is we tryin' to make: Don't mess with the Department of Sanitation or you will come up dirty! "

________________
RENT IT

Up - 2009

2009-06-01T15:22:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG
98 min.

Yet again, Pixar delivers. I keep expecting them to slip up somewhere, but they just don't. The movie revolves around an old man who has lost his wife and has decided to stay locked away from society. When a construction crew plans on kicking him out of his home he sets flight. The house flying on a billion balloons wafts through adventure. Think, around the world in 80 days meets Gullivers Travels. All he and his wife ever wanted was adventure, and he has found it! With the help of Kevin the female pehistoric bird, Dug the dog and a helpful boy scout they find themselves in a wild land of adventure!
The animation is beautiful! No, beyond beautiful. Each Pixar film seems to tackle one main fasset of their filming. Wall-e was the camera. With Up, it would seem to me that they were headed for texturing. Some of the close ups are simply astounding of how realistic the fabrics look. Yet somehow they retain their cartoon-ish feel.
Definatly go see this movie. The film is geared more towards adults which makes it all the better. and unlike Dreamworks, where adult means shit humor, with Pixar adult means heavy topics which children can still enjoy. Warning, (in all seriousness) you might tear up a bit in the beginning, if you're bringing a date, grab some kleenex! On the other hand, if you are with a girlfriend and have no intentions for commitment, probably avoid this movie, she'll be talking about marrige the whole ride home. Good hunting movie lovers!
"My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may speak. Squirrel! "

________________
OWN IT

Punisher - War Zone - 2008

2009-05-29T10:29:00.001-04:00

Rated - R
103 min.

Personally I don't know why they decided to do a remake, of the remake... they already did?...
I enjoyed the 2004 Punisher movie. It was a bit hokey and very comic book-ey. But all in all it was fun. This movie was fine as longas you know they are pandering to the Mature audiences. Swearing and gore, not too much sex. Mostly ridiculous blood and gore. Some of it was fun and laugh out load painful. Other bits were just stupid, places where that amount of blood didn't need to be. The story was kind of weak, but no more weak than the last punisher. It's the punisher?! Really how many stories are there?
Man loses family, he kills people cause he's lonely.
On a side note, the little girl in the movie I ended up really feeling for. They did a nice job of showing a relationship of how Frank Castle wants his family again and tries to live vicariously through the other family.
"Wait, wait! My husband, Nicky. We talked about you. Argued about you. He said you were one of the good guys."

________________
RENT IT (on the lower end of rental, close to trash it.)

Eden Log - 2007

2009-05-28T09:54:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
98 min.

So I was very excited for this movie, and not to hold back a a good review. I was let down. If you havent heard of it yet, watch the trailer, it's makes it look very interesting. Don't get me wrong, the movie's premise is interesting. A cross of Resident Evil with Crank and a very indepth plot. The acting is fine, for what they're working with. Same goes for the special effects, they come off very... "television budget". But again, for what it is... it's fine.
The two things that suprised me where these:
1. Whats up with France and horror/survival movies all of a sudden? (Forgot to mention this movie is originally French.) I have seen acouple movies recently with this same kind of plot comig from France.
2. With CGI and 3D graphics becoming more and more life like, the video game industry is taking a huge chunk of the financial film pie. This is the first movie that I have seen where I honestly thought I was "watching" a video game. Not watching a movie based on a video game. But honestly the cinematography and chosen camera angles could have been ripped straight from a game. Even the progression of the plot is video game-esc. Battle, survival, plot, battle,... etc...
It might be worth a rainy day torrent download... that is if you've beaten all of your video games already.

_______________
TRASH IT

Terminator 4 - Salvation - 2009

2009-05-27T14:45:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG-13
130 min.

I went to this one thinking I would totally deadpan the review. It was suprisingly entertaining. Don't get me wrong, it was most definatly an action film, no bones about it. But thats not always a bad thing. I know I would have liked more of a plot and more in depth character development, but beggers can't be choosers. It was suprising how well the movie links up with the first in the series and I heard that they've already green lighted a 5th and most likely a 6th to round down the Terminator story. So for sure... (excuse the sad joke...) "They'll be back...!"
This series really has become the "Star Wars" to the action inthused. I would have liked Christian Bale to have brought more to the table, but the actor who played Kyle Reese, Anton Yelchin, was perfect for the role. I of course mention his name, because he was SO good for the role, that I hope people keep their eyes on him. He also played chekov in Star Trek, and we can explect to hear much more from him in the future!
So I'd say a solid summer time rental. If you are so inclined go see it in the theathers, but I'm sure that there is something better out... maybe...
"Two day old coyote. It's better than three day old coyote."

_________________
RENT IT

Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines - 2003

2009-05-26T17:53:00.001-04:00

Rated - R
109 min.

Terminator 1 = really cool
Terminator 2 = insane
Terminator 3 = ... boring, lacking in plot, weak villain, piss poor acting?
As I always say, math and movies should never mix. Continuing last weeks theme, the third in the series drops the ball. Don't get me wrong, it's not Alexander or anything, It's actually a fun movie. You MUST turn your brain off to watch it. The plot fals apart with any decoding, and don't get me started on John Conners acting... (I think I threw up a bit in my mouth just now...)
All in all, it should be included in the ..trilogy?... quadrilogy?... 6rilogy? But it will be the weakest of the group.
"So... she's an anti-Terminator Terminator? You've got to be shitting me."

______________
TRASH IT

Terminator 2: Judgment Day - 1991

2009-05-22T09:20:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
137 min

So in keeping with this weeks theme, I bring you T2! This is my personal favorite in the series. And the 4 oscars the movie won would agree with me. Hyper violent, weird lingo and graphics that still somehow hold up to todays standards. It is the perfect example of the 1990's and all of it's splendor!
So in summary, the Terminator unit return, must take down his futuristic replacement T-1000. This liquid metal robot can shape shift, and destroy. Which he does much of through out the film. Again, If you some how missed this one definatly go grab it! Theres no reason why you wouldn't love it.
"No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say "affirmative," or some shit like that. You say "no problemo." And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say "eat me." And if you want to shine them on it's "hasta la vista, baby." "

_____________________
RENT IT

The Terminator - 1984

2009-05-21T11:09:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
108 min.

I don't know how, but let's pretend that you somehow missed this movie. Seriously, did you sleep through the 1980's?
But, let's pretend for a moment.
A machine from the future to kill the Conners bloodline, so that they can rule the future earth. The special effets are tame by todays standards, but it's still a fun movie. With some of the best one liners in all of film, this movie was never ment to be missed.
so sit back and enjoy a trip to the mid-80's, gaze on to the future Cal-iE-FORnia main man, Arnold in his hay-day.
"Plastique. An explosive with nitroglycerides, but it's more stable. I used to make them when I was a kid."

______________________
RENT IT

The Bridge on the River Kwai - 1957

2009-05-20T17:40:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG
161 min.

To say OWN IT, I think would be a bit over kill. This is an amazing film and deserves it's rightful spot in the pantheon of great all time films. But in my opinion it isn't the kind of movie that you would plunk in on a rainy day.
The movie follows a crew of hostiges held captive. They force them to build a bridge, get this now... over the Kwai river. Instead of doing the obvious, and trying to sabbotoge the bridge or perhaps make the junkiest bridge they can. These soldiers take pride in their creation. They are going to build the greatest bridge any ones ever seen. The ending isn't a suprise, but I wont ruin it for you if you haven't seen it.
The movie is a bit slow, the acting is supurb and I would not recommend watching the film with out being able to sit down and set aside a solid 3 hours of devotion, in order to view it straight through.
"I'd say the odds against a successful escape are about 100 to one. But may I add another word, Colonel? The odds against survival in this camp are even worse."

_________________
RENT IT

The Great Dictator - 1940

2009-05-19T13:54:00.002-04:00

Rated - G
125 min.

Banned in Germany, Ireland, Spain (I'm sure there's more, but those are the only ones I know for sure.) This is a brilliant movie. Anyone who's ever learned about Nazi Germany should be forced to view it. As far as I am concerned there are only three WW2 movies: All quiet... , Stalag 17 and the Great Dictator. But enough about me and my love of zee nazi flick. This movie is a spoof of Hitler's germany, as well as Hitler's rise to power. But of course Charlie Chaplin's humor is steeped throughout the film. The slap stick and wize quips. All of which combine into, what I believe is his finest work.
Sadly, in Charlie's time, this movie got horrible reviews, mainly due to the "too soon?" effect. (notice the date it was released... 1940. pearl harbor was on Dec. 7th 1941...) But the film has legs. It's longevity will pass down from generation to generation. It's immortality wil help remind us of the horrors commited by the Nazi's, remind us to never repeat that past and... as always... to laugh.
Instead of hunting down for a trailer of The Great Dictator, I've posted the ending monolouge. It could possibly be one of the greatest endings that I have ever seen. Please take the time, and enjoy it.
"We've just discovered the most wonderful, the most marvelous poisinous gas. It will kill everybody. "

_________________
OWN IT

Angels & Demons - 2009

2009-05-18T11:47:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG-13
138 min.

So I was not a huge fan of the Davinci code. I never read either of the books and frankly, I'm not a very good catholic, so I may not be the best of judges on this movie. Personally, I didn't care for it at all. It wasn't horrible mind you, it was just a let down. There wasn't much in the way of mystery. I was hoping for clues all along the path that I could "play along" and guessed "who done' it". Instead, I was given a movie where the characters race through the streets of the vatican chasing after pointing statues. You would think that some nerd with a blog and access to google earth would have figured the mystery out in about an hour. But no, we have to run around on a wild goose chase. Frankly, just kind of lame. I woud leave you, loyal reader, with this... If you were a fan of the first movie, then definatly go and rent this one. You'll enjoy the continuing adventures of your favorite catholic detective. If you thought the first movie was over rated and a sequel/prequel was undeserved, then you would be correct and avoid this one. Trust me, you'll be better off.
"Our church is at war. We are under attack from an old enemy. The Illuminati. They have struck us from within and threatening us all with destruction from their new god Science."

__________________
TRASH IT (unless you're a fan of the first one, then RENT IT.)

Wonderous Oblivion - 2003

2009-05-15T09:32:00.002-04:00

Rated - PG
106 min.

Over the years many fine sports films have been made. These films are created to inspire and show the true test of the human spirit. Myself, being an american, I think of Football (American), Hockey, Baseball and maybe competitive eating. But I do not think cricket.
Yes cricket, that strange sport we stole baseball from.
What I can say about the movie is this, it touches wonderfully on thick topics of racism, dealing with them in an unique manner only the english could discover. I say this because when you watch a film about racism in the states, you think Black Panthers, Malcom X, MLK and just in general a much more brutal depiction. The English bring us a strange form of pride and disrespect in racism. They are truly a noble people. As for the sports aspect of the film, I enjoyed it as best that I could. The sport of cricket seems very silly to me. But if you are looking for an uplifting film envolving sports, thats a bit under the radar, I'd say check this one out.
Play ball!

_________________
RENT IT

Orgazmo - 1997

2009-05-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

Rated - NC - 17
92 min.

I've made it a point to see all of matt and trey's movies. I love their comedy. This flick is next to impossible to find anywhere other than netflix, which is sad, because I remember when it came out, and it's insane!
Especially, with my past in California, I think the humor sunk that much deeper with me, because the "California" they show in this movie is seriously what californian's are like. It's a diffrent world. The main character moves to Cali to strike it big and he gets caught up in the pornography world.
Did I mention he's a devout mormon?
Definatly worth the rental, so good luck finding it, and enjoy the 1990's all over again!
"Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass! "

_________________
RENT IT

Watching the Detectives - 2007

2009-05-13T15:54:00.001-04:00

Rated - unrated
91 min.

This was one of those hidden gems you stumble across the movie rental store on accident. This one reminded me of a much more romantic comedy in the vein of "Be Kind Rewind." But honestly, where "Be Kind..." failed, this movie provides. Why no one else has seen it yet, I'll never know. The movie is basically this, Main character owns a movie rental store, he has a hard time keeping girlfriends because he lives for movies. Then enter female intrest, she helps keep main character involved in "real" life, by making it more interesting, or in other words, more like a movie. He beings "liveing the movies he loves". It truley is a gem, and you shouldn't miss it. Go run down to blockbuster (before the go bankrupt.) or put it on your netflix. It's sure to impress!

_________________
OWN IT

Nocturna - 2007

2009-05-12T17:11:00.001-04:00

Rated - G
80 min.

This spanish animated film is very, very DeToro, aside from the fact that he had nothing to do with it. The animation and character design is a wonderful mix of more modern "flash" styles with the talent of a past Disney film. The characters glide across the screen, zipping through the wonderfully painted backgrounds. What else is there to say... OH YEAH! the plot!?
again, the DelToro feel is unmistakable. The plot revolves around a child who stays up too late and finds out about the world of Nocturna. In the world, monsters put things back for us in the morning. Dew is gently plasced on to flowers, there are three "robots?" who's job it is, to mess up our hair at night. The main character runs into the "Cat Shepard" and mayham ensues. Definatly worth the rental, if you can find it. On top of all of that, it is in Spanish, but the Dub is perfect. So for those who worry abotu reading during a film, no worries!

______________
OWN IT

OST #2 "Crank High Voltage"

2009-05-12T16:08:00.000-04:00

Star Trek - 2009

2009-05-11T11:08:00.002-04:00

Rated - PG-13
126 min.

So once again as a precursor to my review, I hate. yes hate star trek. I am a Star Wars nerd through and through. I was looking forward to this movie, simply to mock it in this review. Unfortunatly for me, I can't. It was an awesome movie! Seriously, It truely was the Star Trek for non-trekkies. The action was sweet, the plot was thick and meaty, the acting was well done. These are aspects I would never normally associate with Star Trek, but I feel for J.J. Abrams I must. Yes the man who brought such joy into our lives with "Lost", now brings us non-fans one more thing to latch onto.
I believe he is my new hero. But to not put him an ivory tower in which he may fall, I will now rip on the movie a bit.
... The fans might be dissapointed that, in essence, this movie has NOTHING to do with any of the originals. It's more or less and alrternate reality. But it works so well!...
So there you go, that's all I have to say badly about the movie. Seriously, go see it, fan or not. Beam me up!
"I'm a doctor, not a physicist!"

_________________
OWN IT

Sex Drive - 2008

2009-05-08T14:27:00.001-04:00

Rated - R
109 min.

First off, this movie could have easily been PG-13 and reached a wider audience. The jokes and swearing that pushed it over the top was completely unnessesary. With that being said, this was a cute movie. I laughed alot at times, the who dounut joke was pretty funny and a great running gag. Overall though, there's not "real" reason for watching this movie. It's the same "road trip" kind of movie that you've seen a million times before. I would say this, if you're bored and its raining and theirs NOTHING else to do, it might be worth the rental. But, I voted TRASH IT because that's about it. I don't hate the film. It would be on the cusp of RENT IT, but it's just not quite there. So view with caution, there be nothing her to see.
"Ease it back, man. That donut ain't fuckin' around."

______________
TRASH IT

Lucky Number Slevin - 2006

2009-05-07T10:51:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
109 min.

This is an amazing film, that somehow snuck under the radar. If you like Bruce Willis, Josh Harrnet and the many other number of supurb actors on top of that the wonderful noir' undertones, then go buy this movie. What did he say buy?
yes. dont even rent it first. Just go buy it. Trust me. It's prefect! Honestly one of my favorite films of all time. On Aug. 16th, I'm going to come out with "The Kozak's top 10" This will be my top ten... everything. And keep an eye open. This movie is going to be there. So go on then, go buy it!
"Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third; that's a story."

_______________
SEE IT!!!

Catacombs - 2007

2009-05-06T13:48:00.001-04:00

Rated - R
100 min.

First off. I rented this purely because I think "Pink" is hot, also the main character Shannyn Sossamon is twice as hot. Say what you will, but this was a cutie fiesta! With that being said... This was suprisingly not nearly as horrible as I thought it could have been. Thats not to say, that its not long... poorly constructed, and pink's appearance is only there so that her name could be on the cover of the DVD release, but its not Horrible!
It pays a decent amount of homage to nice psychological horror, such as Texas Chain Saw Massacure. (the original, as far as I'm concerned there were no sequels/prequals)
There's a decent enough twist at the end and did I mention all the hotties?! zing!
But alas... at the end of the day the movie is WAY to long, at 100 min. it felt like... a couple weeks long... that could be poor writing, or perhaps poor directing/editing. But it is what it is. A trash it.
"My sister sent me a postcard. All it said was, "Come to Paris. It will be good for you." Forty-eight hours after I arrived, she and everyone I'd met were dead. "

______________
TRASH IT

Ghost Town - 2008

2009-05-05T15:23:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG-13
102 min.

As I say often, I am a sucker for indie romantic comedies. Mock me if you must, but it's true. So take my opinion with a grain of salt. This one was pretty funny, and it had a good take on the "6th sense-esq films". There's a decent moral to boot. But I think my favorite part was that it's not nessesarly a happy ending. Not by any means a tragedy, but not your simple, "everyone is better by the end" type.
I'd say this would fall into the vast rift known as "rainy day flicks". So this being May, next rain storm. Check it out, you might be suprised at how much you love to hate the main character as well as the dry british-esq humor. It's a good time.
"Well, I can see he died happy... "

__________________
RENT IT

X-Men Origins - Wolverine - 2009

2009-05-04T13:37:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG-13
109 min.

The movie was, unfortunatly not as good as I would have hoped. Much like the 3 previous X-men movies, they took their artistic liberties with the story archs. Not to say that their stories are bad. But if you know anything about comics, it can be insulting to your years of fan service. If you are the kind of fan who has fallen in love with the X-Men universe, but only through the movies, then go rush out and see the movie. It's great, good action, decent story. (all be it, the plot has NOTHING to do with the comics it is based on.)
But all in all it was fine. If you like comics, RENT IT. If you like the movies, SEE IT. I know my comics, and I am a nerd. So I say rental. But either way, check it out.
"All I ever wanted was to travel to far off exotic places, meet new exciting people and then kill them. So I become a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do."

________________
RENT IT

The Spirit - 2008

2009-05-01T10:24:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG-13
103 min.

If you ever wanted an example of a movie that's trying too hard, this could in the running for first prize. I do feel bad however, the visuals are out of this world. I'm a big fan of graphical / simplistic design. Lack of color, great use of space and composition. Then on top of that... Scarlet Johansen in a nazi outfit!? (bites my upper lip... day dreams for a bit... I need mental help...) Anywho, so all these cool things right!? good ol' whitty 1940's banter. Common it has to be good right?
no.
its not.
at all.
why you ask? the planets aligned to make this movie. All the factors are in place. It's bound to be good?! But they "try too hard". The violence is OVER THE TOP. Not in a good kinda way either. It's not gorey, no its almost boring... The acting is sub-par, and the dialouge is ridiculios?... "The Octupus", Sam Jackson, complains abou eggs for 20 mins.?
I don't know how a visual masterpiece by a god in comics can suck so hard. But it does. seriously. don't bother...
"Eurgh. Free-range chickens with their big brown ugly-ass eggs. They piss me off. Every time I think about those big brown eggs they piss. Me. Off. "

__________________
TRASH IT

Delicatessen - 1991

2009-04-30T12:42:00.001-04:00

Rated - R
99 min.

This is a DARK comedy. Take two parts "Sweeny Todd" mix in one part Jerry Lewis / Monty Python, bring to a boil and served chilled with a garnish of Brazil. And you would have a movie only the french and/or mentally twisted could love.
Needless to say I loved it. The movie seriously is just the if you, an average person were to stumble into Sweeny Todd, and they decided that you were going to be the next course. It's pretty funny. Downsides, it's very... very French. So take that with the large grain of salt it deserves.
Also, being so very french. It's subtitled. thats it. Some things don't quite cross the cutural barrier. Like how Americans go to the movies to watch and listen, not read.
"Nobody is entirely evil: it's that circumstances that make them evil, or they don't know they are doing evil."

_____________________
RENT IT

Death Race - 2008

2009-04-29T10:03:00.001-04:00

Rated R
111 min.

Well. I wont lie about the action. If you are into cars and explosions, this my be more of a RENT IT for you. I unfortunatly am not. To me racing, on the whole, is two guys who can't fight so the run in circles to compare dick sizes. But that may be more cruel than I intend. Either way, I don't get it, so bare with me on this review. There was no plot. Not to say that there was one in the original Death Race either, but a fact that still needs pointing out. The main character is set up for his wifes death and tossed into jail. This is the last time we hear about the wife, no mourning for her death, no sadness... only one thought, DRIVING FAST CARS!
cause I know thats where I go first too...
The action is cool, all be it, over the top, and basically ripped right out of a video game. Right down to the "pick ups" of energy and weapons. Yeah... thats right, this movie is basically MarioKart on crack.
but like I said before, if you like cars, you've probably already seen this and enjoyed it, if even a bit. So to those who haven't yet, save your self the time and money.
"Okay cocksucker. Fuck with me, and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk."

__________________
TRASH IT

Miracle at St. Anna - 2008

2009-04-28T18:02:00.001-04:00

Rated - R
160 min.

So, as I have stated before, I'm a sucker for WW2 flicks. Of for that matter anything with Nazi's. Cause nobody loves a Nazi, and if you do.. then your a nazi and no one loves you. But alas... this was decent. The problem is that it wasn't great. It was too long, and the "moving" moments weren't all that moving... In fact other than the main character "Train", I didn't feel for any of these characters. They are all immoral in some way, and at the climactic ending, I had no pity for them... or the nazi's they fight. (mainly because... no one likes a nazi... etc....)
So thus the TRASH IT... I was debating if it should be a rental. But I settled on simply saying go watch "All quiet.." or "Saving Private Ryan" again, and save yourself the rental fee. The only miracle is that I some how managed to stay awake...lame.
"Girl, let me trim your garden."

________________
TRASH IT

The Soloist - 2009

2009-04-27T10:54:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG-13
109 min.

This was alot more moving, alot deeper and mostly alot "more" than I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be a drama, but I honestly thought that there would be a healthy amount of humor in it. There wasn't. It's a heavy movie, no bones about it. But it's also beautiful. The story runs a bit too long, but not bad. The cinematography is wonderful, using blacklighting and skewed angles to put you in the mind of Jamie Fox's character, who is without a doubt, bat shit crazy. Robert Downey Jr's character is your classic liberal from LA. His heart's in the right place, but he never wants to listen to the problem at hand, he only keeps throwing money at it and then wonders why the problem still exists.
There's some beautiful scenes, very remonicent of Fantasia. With light and music. If nothing else, rent the movie to see those. All in all it was very nice, supurb acting, but a bit too heavy for a summer blockbuster. I'd say rental.
"I've never loved anything the way he loves music."

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RENT IT

Transporter 3 - 2008

2009-04-24T11:09:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG-13
104 min.

So this wasn't horrible. But to say that Lu Besson, the writer from some of the GREATEST action flicks of all time, had a hand in this is mildly depressing. Again, this wasn't a bad one. And I would suggest a rental if you've seen the other 2 transporters. They're fun with action, low with plot. And personally, I'm more of a plot kind of guy, so this is bad news to me. I have rated this one a TRASH IT, and maybe that was too hasty, but I stand true to my review. It is a very high on the list TRASH IT, but a TRASH IT none the less. If you want just straight forward action with no substance AT ALL, just go see the 2nd in this weak willed trilogy. The first is the most well rounded, the thrid trys to hard. But the 2nd doesn't try to be anything than what the series is... an excuse to do awesome car-fu!
"Nope! I am not "the gay.""

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TRASH IT

Eagle Eye - 2008

2009-04-23T09:57:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG-13
118 min.
A future where robots have enslaved mankind and use us for nothing more than a battery source!... no that's the Matrix...
A future where robots are super smart and have begun creating their own to wipe out the human race, while in the same point, traveling through time to kill the one man who stands up to them... no...no... thats Terminator 2...
modern times where a robot is being chased by everyone?... no... that's Short Curcuit?!
Well what the hell is this movie?!!
oh right... Shia Laboooof running around talknig on the phone, while a computer woman voice tells him what to do. Only to find out that the computer's gone rouge?! Ahhh plot twist...?
no. it wasn't. This was a lame movie, decent action, neat idea. If only it hadn't been done, many... many... too many times before.
So no Jerry Shaw, don't jump, drive, run, beat up or anything else. Just sit and let the damned movie end.
"Jerry Shaw, you have been activated. Your compliance is vital."

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TRASH IT

Freejack - 1992

2009-04-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
110 min.

Remeber the 90's? Well they haven't forgotten about you! This movie is so depressingly ripped out of the gullet of the 1990's it's almost sickening. The plot is a nice attempt at a dystopian society. But in many movies from the era, the plot, story and chraracter development took a backseat to low budget action. Cue the highlander esc' lighting!
I wouldn't be suprised if they do a remake of this. But I hope they would just let the dead dog lie. So, with that being said... is there anything redeamable from the movie. One word. McJager!
The lead singer from the stones is the villain in this future gone mad with organ harvesting! He does a decent job too, the only bad part was that I know the stones and he has a very recognizable face. So right when he was going to shoot the hero in the face, I half expect him to break out in "paint it black".
All in all, it's not horrible. But just for your own sake... pass this one up.
"Give it up, Vacendak. You couldn't catch a cold. You couldn't catch the clap in a whorehouse! "

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TRASH IT

Westworld - 1973

2009-04-21T11:23:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG
88 min.

First off, this is a story by Micheal Crichton. Which makes it already really sweet. But, even with the crappy special effects and lame 70's filmography, the movie still entertains. What I would love to see, (which this is saying alot, seeing as I hate almost all of them...) I'd love to see a remake of this. It's a really well thought out story, all be it a bit cliche', but I see this much like other older movies, it's only cliche' because other movies copied it. So this was the original.
If you like the wild west, have a love for mustaches and share in Micheal Crichton's fear and hatred for theme parks, then this will be up your alley.
"The hell, god dammit, that's not supposed to happen!"

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RENT IT

Crank 2: High Volatage - 2009

2009-04-20T14:54:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
96 min.

The tag line for this movie should be, "Get ready... to get offended!" Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't consider myself to be someone who is easily offended. But in our brave new world that has such people in it, surrounded day by day with political correctness, and the fear that if you tell an off color joke Big Brother will swoop down on you and drag you to some abandoned warehouse for reconditioning... This movie takes all that fear of being ostracized and burns it to the ground and tinkles on the ashes. This movie is so offensive on SO many levels, that I'm amazed it's not rated NC-17. Seriously.
It's really rough at some points where, even I was thinking... "Isn't someone going to stop them soon!?... " The only major upside of this blood / gore / sex / nudity / racial slur / femenist degrading / action packed FIESTA... is that on some strange level... this is technically an experimental film.
The category reserved for art houses... there is flash backs, extreme camera angles, diffrent filter effects and the use of text on the screen is stunning...
I know this review is getting long for me... but... I don't know where to settle on this one. It's not a trash it, and not a see it... But I don't want you to have to suffer through it by rental either...
I simply will leave it to you reader. Good Luck... you're gonna need it.
"Fuck You Chelios!?!"

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(RENT IT?)

Superman Doomsday - 2007

2009-04-17T08:45:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG-13
75 min.

Did you watch the Superman cartoon as a kid? Did you enjoy it?! I know I did. But somethings don't carry over time. This one was a let down and a half. They took the story of Doomsday and then the story of Supermans resurrection, and not only combined the two, but also squished the stories to fit an hour and a bit cartoon. Oh sure, it's rated PG-13, which is cool. But what a let down. Doomsday, the namesake of the movie, is in the flick for about 10 min. Then we spend the rest of the movie dealing with Robo-Supes! Mind you, not badass, terminator superman guy... no... this is the over done, "which one is the REAL superman?..." clone-esq robot. Weak, Lame, a... let... down...
"Who cares? He's kicking Superman's ass!"

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TRASH IT

Monster Camp - 2007

2009-04-16T10:48:00.002-04:00

Rated - NR (not rated)
81 min.

Nerds will one day enherit the earth... although it might be their own fantasy earth with goblins and dragons. This is a quick view into the world and life of LARP-ers (for those who don't know, Live Action Role Playing = LARP). It almost looks enjoyable by the end of the documentary, then you quickly remember that you might want to get laid at some point in the future and put the thought to the side. You know that dark side where you keep other geeky dreams like going to a rocky horror midnight show, going to a weird al concert and asking a girl out by commenting on how she "is your density..". (To the readers, I have done some of those as well, don't worry, you're with friends.)Now then, the movie's main focus follows a couple groups of kids that are avid LARP-ers. The main story archs are a newbie playing a NPC (no more explainations, figure it out on your own.), a swave man-boy bringing his girlfriend?, and two friends who will have nothing to say to anubis when he weights their hearts and asks "What the hell did you guys do with your life!?". But al in all a nice group of kids. And I feel bad, there are some players who are "normal" people just they REALY like armour and knives. (I'd be in that category.)So I leave you with this, If you are into RGP's / LARPing, check this out its cute. If you are not into this and find it all silly and childish... totally rent this! You will laugh your ass off at these goofs.... (yes, I inculde myself with those "goofs"....sigh

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RENT IT

Choke - 2008

2009-04-15T16:43:00.000-04:00

Rated - R
92 min.

2 words. Let Down.I loved fight club, then again who didn't... I've heard many good things about Chuck Palahniuk's other books. But this movie was lame. It tried too hard, the characters were acted and protrayed very thinly. Over all it just fell through the cracks. I can't say that I was expecting a masterpiece, but something humourous with a dark over tone that makes you sad at how funny the film really is. Instead I was given shallow humor and weak story development. Over all, a major dump.
"You don't hit me with a knife, that's called stabbing me!"

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TRASH IT

Children of the Revolution - 1996

2009-04-14T14:33:00.002-04:00

Rated - R
101 min.

I picked this one up on a whim. I had never heard about it. But then I watched the trailer, and had to rent it! And it was worth it. Not exactly what I had expected, it was a bit more dramatic than what I thought it would be, but had some wonderful dark humor. If your a fan of Totalitarian Governments and the humor they can have, then this will be right up your alley!... I know it's up mine.
"It's a bastard of a world out there, if you know what I mean. "
(sorry I couldn't find a trailer for it.)

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RENT IT

Dragonball: Evolution - 2009

2009-04-13T15:25:00.000-04:00

Rated - PG
84 min.

So... how bad could my review for this get...? Well, not that bad actually. I know... I'm suprised too. Don't get me wrong, this was not.. i repeat NOT a "good" movie. But for what it was, the source material mainly. I was very unsure of this movie going into the theater, but, and this is a big BUT... it was... enjoyable?
Notice I did NOT say "GOOD". it wasn't. It was lame, and basically just an action kung fu flick. But then I realized... what's wrong with that?
Harking back to those youthful days of looking forward to the first Power Rangers Movie, there's something to flipping around with no sembalance of a plot. I've forgotten that movies could just be "fun and enjoyable" ... while still being generally bad. The only thing that I would say is that you should just see this if you are a fan of the series. If not, then just go see "Forbidden Kingdom". Same Diffrence, with less backstory.
"Kamehameha!"

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RENT IT (suprisingly...)

Henry Poole is here - 2008

2009-04-10T14:14:00.001-04:00

Rated - PG
99 min.

So with Easter coming up, I figured I should do a more "religious" film. (Seeing as I'm not all that into religious films, I will do a review of a film that I was dooped into.) Yes that's right... Dooped! Watch the trailer on this one and tell me that you would think it to be a heavily religious movie. Not to say that's a bad thing, but it was by no means what I was expecting. To talk down about it though would be wrong. If you were in the mood for an uplifting story about God's presence in our lives, this would be it. I had fully intended on ripping this movie apart for leading me to belive it was a humorous romp into grouchy old man land...
It was far from that, what it was though, was a movie with a solid story with beautiful acting. I was angry for half of the film, that I wasn't aware of its religious undertones, yet as the movie progressed I found that was the point. The main character finds God through his disbelief. You as the audience find out how much you believe as well. I related alot to the main character and, other than the obligitory sappy ending, was very suprised with the film after I had time to let it settle in my mind.

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RENT IT

Repo! the Genetic Opera - 2008

2009-04-09T11:38:00.003-04:00

Rated - R
98 min.

An odd mix of "The Wall" and "Rocky Horror" meets dark emo vampire music. It doesn't sound like it shoul work, but I enjoyed this one more than I should have. Like I said, it's a bit too emo and definatly trying too hard to be dark and spooky, but there's some sort of sick heart to the story. The comic style was very nicely done and gave the film an orignial feel. Now by no means would I suggest this to anyone off the street. It is most certainly a cult-ish movie that will gain its following over time, but if you find yourself into the plot of an operetta based on comic book violence and organ harvesting, then I'd say check it out. Might be a good rainy day rental for your already dark and tourtered soul.

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TRASH IT (unless it's REALLY your thing, then RENT IT)

Bulworth - 1998

2009-04-09T11:38:00.002-04:00

Rated - R
108 min.

I had missed this one when if first came out. (around the same time as many political thrillers, ie: Wag the Dog and Primary Colors.) It really has a great story to tell about politics and the black community. There are alot of things about the film that I disagree with (politically). What's nice though, is that there's alot I DO agree with at the same time. I think that was the point of the film. To challenge you political ideals as well as those whom you disagree with. The movie has a nice combination of "Dave" and "Do the Right Thing". I would definatly say to check it out, if you haven't seen it already.

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RENT IT

A Boy and His Dog - 1975

2009-04-07T11:58:00.003-04:00

Rated - R
91 min.

Two words: Don, Johnson!
Yes thats right, the rolled up cuff, pink button down, miami vice himself! Only here he's about 25 years old and wandering the desert with his telepathic dog. Sounds outlandish right?
Well it's where the main story for Fallout came from... so there! I've been very big into Fallout 3 as of late, and when I found that it was mostly based off of an old 70's flick I knew I had to get a peice of that one. It's suprisingly not to bad. (for those who don't know, I'm not a fan of that gainy 60's / 70's look. So that grinds on my gears.) The stories actually interesting, and the "villain" if thats what you could call them is REALLY nice. I wouldn't think of such a thing. And the topper is his only companion is hi dog... who talks to him. They never say if he's a telapath or if the boy has just gone crazy and I like it that way. You get to make it your own. Definatly go check this one out, esspecially if you're a fan of Fallout.
"Well, I'd certainly say she had marvelous judgment, Albert, if not particularly good taste."

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RENT IT

Adventureland - 2009

2009-04-06T11:00:00.005-04:00

Rated - R
107 min.

*SPECIAL EXTRA LONG REVIEW*

Alright. Well first let me say that I wasn't a huge fan of Superbad (same Director, same style) If you were, take this review with a grain of salt. I didn't mind this movie. It was not what I was expecting. To the point were I debated linking the trailer to the review, just because this is NOT a comedy. Oh it has humor in it. But it is first and foremost an indie drama. The light in the tunnel comes from the fact that it was filmed in Pittsburgh. Now this doesn't make a film good. (see new trailer for "the mysteries of pittsburgh") BUT! what does make a film instantly good... I'm in it! HAHAHAH! me... yes thats right faithful reader. ME!
ok but as for the movie. Actings a bit limp, Stories pretty weak, all around very indie darling flick, where I'm ment to read more into it, but all i really wanted was stupid humor. a resounding eh... One final note, unbeknownst to me, the main female character is the girl from Twilight, I haven't seen it (and don't plan to, so don't hold your breath on a review.) But it kind of bothers me that at my local theater, 1/3rd the audience was at the theater for her, another 1/3rd was there because they were IN the film, and the other 1/3rd were lost and wandered into the theater thinking it was fast and the furious. I don't know why that bothers me... but it does. rant portion over.
"I'm not qualified for manual labor..."

Here is the screen cap of me in the film. There is also a close up, but I havent been able to find it online yet. This one was in the trailer. (time code listed below photo.)

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TRASH IT (unless you really want to see me or pittsburgh in that case RENT IT)

Hulk vs. - 2009

2009-04-03T16:38:00.002-04:00

Rated - PG-13
78 min.

I just watched both the Hulk vs. Wolverine and Hulk vs. Thor last night. I must give kudos to Marvel for pumping out continuously good animated features. Their past couple being, Avengers (1,2 and "new"), Dr. Strange and Iron Man. These have all had some redeamable value. (some not as much as others.)
But all in all, they have really hit their stride. With these new releases they have truely found their nitch market. The PG13 land!
The blood, gore, and humor are all on a good PG - PG13 level. Finally, I have posted the Hulk vs. Wolverine trailer because it is the better of the two. Thor is a good story and fun romp with the Hulk, but the Wolverine one is non-stop action. It's just great! The only downfall is that on a gut feeling I woul place this at a rental. I don't have much reason for going back and buying the DVD's, but then again, I leave that up to you, faithful reader! Excelsior!
"... I miss you wolverine, no one calls me Bub anymore..."

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RENT IT

The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas - 2008

2009-04-02T11:00:00.004-04:00

Rated - PG-13
94 min.

First let me start off by saying that I'm a sucker for WW2 tales and Nazi backlash stories. With that being said, I liked this film. It was a bit slow to pick up, seeing as thanks to the trailer you know exactly what the main climax of the film is. (spoiler alert!) the little boy makes friends with a jewish boy behind a fence! oooooooh!
But once the movie picks up.. it really goes! And not to spoil anything else, I do believe I have done that enough for today, the ending is very hard hitting. I would say if you're in the mood for a heavy WW2 nazi flick, check this one out.
"...but who are those farmers in the silly pyjamas?"

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RENT IT

Pac Man - 2009

2009-04-01T18:08:00.002-04:00

Rated - PG-13
137 min.

This movie Rocks! Nothing like seeing Bruce Willis dress up in a yellow costume and destroy evil alien forces! I know most of you have never seen or even heard of this early 1970's flick, but it was one of Bruce's first action films. Very low budget, but all around a superb story. To think an idea as simple as the video game Pacman would pan out so well on the silver screen. But definatly go to you local movie rental store or at least I know Netflix has it, and watch this unsung hero in film history!

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APRIL FOOL'S

Bolt - 2008

2009-03-31T10:45:00.003-04:00

Rated - PG
96 min

I liked this movie alot more than I thought that I would. Don't get me wrong, It's exactly what you think it is, the plot if fun but nothing to brag about. But the character design, texturing, and character development is miles above what I was thinking it would be. Rhino the hamster and Mittens the cat are supurb! With their cynical and overly hyper additudes you'll be laughing the whole time. At this point it's been out of the theater long enough to come on to DVD. I would def. suggest the rental. The only thing that struck me as a fault of the film was Hanna Montana as the voice actress for Penny (main girl.) Not that I'm against her personally, she's just not a good voice actress, very flat dialouge. That and I'm mainly against using big name actors in animated features just because you want the parents to come out. Use professional voice actors! they exist for a reason!
"I'll go get my ball..."

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OWN IT

Monsters vs. Aliens - 2009

2009-03-30T13:20:00.002-04:00

Rated - PG
94 min.

First you must know that I am not a huge fan of Dreamworks. Shrek was cute, but really... I just don't see who it's any where near as good as... ANY Disney or Pixar film. Not even the same ball game. So when I say that if UP doesn't live up to the hype that I've placed before it (don't worry it will.) But... if it doesn't... This movie Should TOTALLY WIN THE OSCAR!!!
It's awesome. now that is to say I'm curious if that's because I'm a nerd and have seen WAY to many B-movies, or if that's because I'm an animator and love that 3D is finally using squash and stretch. But at any rate, go rent / see this flick. you wont be let down, and if you are then go watch Shrek again you HACK!
"I'll see you guys at lunch... "

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OWN IT

Step Brothers - 2008

2009-03-27T11:40:00.002-04:00

Rated - R
98 min.

To say that Will Ferrell is a one trick pony would be an understatment. To say that the man should be on horse races because the pony that he's chosen is a gold mine would be a FACT!
He has made a career out of being the "man-child" comedy bit. And it works. Well!
I'm am sick and tired of the man-boy comedy movie, but I'm also a sucker. I really did laugh alot at this movie. It was very funny as long as you realize that what you think the movie is about, is exactly what the movie is. Grown men, acting like pre-teens. But how could something be so wrong if it feels so right?
At the end of the day, go and rent this one. Id suggest 40 year old virgin or anything with more of a plot. But as for mind-melting humorous men being as akward as possible then this will work out fine for you. Remember... all you need is "Boats and Hoes"!

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RENT IT

OST #1 "Knowing"

2009-03-27T09:00:00.000-04:00

Race to Witch Mountain - 2009

2009-03-26T11:26:00.006-04:00

Rated - PG
98 min.

Well I'll say this first off. I like "The Rock" as an actor. Deal with it!
Ok, so with that out of the way. This movie was kinda cute. It was nice to see a disney film (non-animated) that wasn't a "kids" film and they had gone back to basics with their "family" films. At no level did I feel I was sitting in a theater full of snot nosed brats. Also the special effects weren't over the top. Alot more grounded in practical effects which is a bonus to me.
I'd say rent it... if you want to. If it's not your cup of tea, don't go out of your way. But if you're watching the kids and need something both of you can enjoy. Go check it out.

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RENT IT

Blindness - 2008

2009-03-25T13:07:00.003-04:00

rated - R
121 min.

So I had wanted to see this one in the theaters... and I can't say I'm sad that I missed it there. It is definatly worth the rental. But much in the same vein as 28 days later (which I did see in the theaters.) It's a great movie, but there are some long drawn out moments of characters wandering the screen. It's there for a reason, to set the mood, but damn if it isn't boring to watch someone walk around (aka. Lord of the Rings. HA!)
So I'd say go check it out. The plots nice and new... god forbid! The acting is decent. But all in all just a solid rental. period.

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RENT IT

Watchmen - 2009

2009-03-24T12:19:00.006-04:00

rated R
162 min.

First question: have you read the comic?
Yes?... then why havent you seen it yet?! Oh you have and you weren't impressed? Then you're a fool!

The film is a wonderful representation of the comic into a movie. Downfalls: to do all of the information in the comic the movie would have to be 9 hours long... its not, so somethings are missing... sorry deal with it.

If you haven't read the book you're going to be lost. There's little to no back story. So go read then watch.

It's nice to see the superhero genre come to the adult audience. (P.S. crazy nudity in the flick. Dr. Manhattan and a number of "passionate" love scenes. If this bothers you, then you probably haven't read the comic either.)

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RENT IT

Know1ng - 2009

2009-03-24T11:52:00.008-04:00

PG-13
130 min

The number 23 + Battlefield Earth + rotting dog poo = Knowing
To say the ending was a let down would be the equivilent of saying the ending of Titanic was a suprise. It would be a lie. And I would also be lying if I said, maybe this movie is worth the rental. This movie wouldn't be worth the DVD it'll be printed on in a week or two.
avoid at all costs.
Final assesment: Any movie with Nick Cage sporting long hair should be burned.

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Trash it

FANBOYS - 2008

2009-03-19T10:49:00.004-04:00

PG-13
90 min.

So as the name of the movie would prove, this is a movie mainly for Fanboy's. For those who have hidden from the legion of nerds in the world, a "fanboy" is one who is obsessed over something nerdy in nature. ie: Star Wars, Star Trek, W.O.W., Comicbooks, etc...
This was a wonderous romp of a film into the life of americas rise of fanboys, (and fangirls) But that is to say that if you're not a fanboy, specifically a Star Wars Nerd, you won't get any of the jokes and the movie will flop in your mind.
As for true fans, I'd say rent it. It's funny, and I had forgotten how much of a nerd I truely was, which is sad. But, at the end of the day it's a bit shallow. There is alot of "toilet humor". Which isn't bad, but after awhile feels like the moive is trying to hard. Keep an eye out and check out this flick if you know your Star Wars and have ever wondered... "Who protects the Skywalker Ranch at night?"

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RENT IT

its alive!!!!... again.

2009-03-18T19:09:00.003-04:00

Hello one and all!
So this review site has been down for quite sometime...
But have no fear!... much is our fashion to kill an idea once we get bored with it, but then to have it miraculously rise like the pheniox that it is!
... which is a poetic way of saying we're back!
Now, I, The KoZaK, will be starting my own style of reviews for this page where I will review a new movie as much as possible. But as shortly as possible as well!
These will hear by become known as reviews in a nut shell (see logo at the top of this post.)
That is all for now... but stay posted to this page. I will be updating it tomorrow with a new review... and eventually cleaning up the old posts as well.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - 2008

2008-10-15T18:42:00.003-04:00

Rated PG-13. 122 min.
-the KoZaK

The Incredible Hulk - 2008

2008-10-14T13:45:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I know we haven't updated in awhile. Our bad. But as for myself I'm going to try and stay to our original schedule (see side bar). Also, obviously, I'm going to be doing video reviews from now on. It's alot easier for me, I'm not much of a writer. On top of that, I guarantee they'll be better quality than this one. I just wanted to see if the idea would work. Thanks for reading.
me-

ps.
yes i know i've already reviewed this movie. But with it coming out on to DVD it seemed like a good time for a review.
next chance i get I'll do the new indy. seeing as it comes out today.

Castle Crashers - 2008

2008-09-29T03:16:00.000-04:00

COMING SOON

The Life Before Her Eyes - 2008

2008-09-27T20:27:00.000-04:00

If you love shakespearian over-acting, weak plots full of holes and an over all lack of anything much at all. Then this movies for you! Put it this way. It was a sad and weak attempt at perhaps redoing momento. Or at least that is the closest film I can think of with such a wickedly twisted plot. Unfortunalty though, were momento makes you brains leak out of your ears from how incredible awesome the story is. The life before her eyes simply makes your brain leak out of your ears, your eyes bleed and puts you three steps away from suicide. Well perhaps that is too harsh, I'm sure it wasn't that bad... Or was it!? (dun dun dun)

No, it was that bad.
Director Vadim Perelman, who brought you such great works as... umm... yep. Now brings you his newest masterpiece of poo. The life before her eyes is a weak plot layered with weaker acting. Diana McFee, Uma Thurman, is living her less than glorified life. Pretty mundane and day by day, she see herself getting more and more bored with life. It's everything she ever wanted, but something's missing still. When she was in high school a loner boy grabbed a gun and shot almost everyone. Everyone but her that is, oh and a couple other people too, but there story doesn't matter. A "lone" survivor from such a horrific massacure, she still lives in fear today. Anything her child does freaks her out, much to Emma Mcfee, Gabrielle Brennan, her childs dismay. So now Diana's child is a brat, her husband is constantly accused of cheating on her and basically life is grand! As the days progress into months Diana realizes that the aniversery of the school shooting is coming soon. Ergo, she freaks out some more. After a long film with decent flash backs of Diana as a high schooler, Evan Rachel Wood. You the audience realize that... (spoiler alert) she didnt acctually survive the school shooting. The whole movie is, get this now, Her life flashing before her eyes before she dies!

I know sounds great on paper right? sure it does. But I can assure you that this one isn't worth the 3 cent DVD it's printed on. So there ya go folks. Another perky review from yours truly. Maybe next time I'll just review older films, because as of late there has been tons O' crap. But good luck to those who still hold hope that there can be some golden nuggets still stuck in movie limbo. (that place before a movie come from the theater until it goes on to DVD).

(Rated R - 90 min.)

The Happening - 2008

2008-09-09T13:00:00.000-04:00

When thinking of an original villain for a horror film many ideas can run through someone's mind. In M. Night Shyamalan's mind however the villain concept flew out the window. In the Happening the trailers and clips would make you believe that there is some kind of plot and suspense. You would be wrong in that assumption as well. Well at least the acting's good, with Mark Wahlbeg and Zooey Deschanel as front runners, right? Nope. That's strike three, and this movie is out.

Now, allow me to further explain myself. I like Zooey Deschanel's acting normally, but she comes off flat and uncaring this time. I don't like Marky Mark, especially with out his funky bunch near by, and this movie is all the same for him. Dry line delivery and two dimensional character development fill this flick. John Leguizamo is the only character I began to care for, that is until he is killed 20 minutes into his introduction. (that would have been a spoiler alert, but really it's like 20 minutes, it's not a huge surprise.)

What I really need to ask M. Night is why?!... I love all of his past movies, even Lady in the Water. I would like to think I understand what he's doing by reinvigorating the suspense genre and I want to hope that The Happening is just a paycheck to boost the budget for the Avatar: the Last Airbender movies. Either way, this movie is a piece of crap. It's not even worth the DVD it's printed on.

(Spoiler Alert) I'm not one to blow an ending of a movie, but I'm will to make an acceptation for this imitation of a film.The movie revolves around plants taking back the United States and eventually Europe. No you didn't hear wrong. Plants. Flowers. Shrubs. To add insult to injury, the trees and shrubs can talk to each other somehow and conspire against mankind, because we as the human race have destroyed the environment to much. If anything would happen like this, not that it would, don't you think it would happen in a third world nation or China, somewhere that has zero environmental policy? As opposed to the US or France, with a clean burning nuclear power plant around every corner. Just don't go see this movie, and if you do I hope you leave with the same moral I did.

Go kill the environment before it kill's you.

(Rated-R . 91 min.)

Bionic Commando - 1987

2008-09-07T03:15:00.002-04:00

Our hero Super Joe has been captured by Imperial forces! Now bionic operative Radd (aka Ladd) is the only hope to infiltrate the enemy bases and save Joe. Armed with a Bionic left arm, Radd is ready to take the fight to them. Giving him the unique ability to launch a high tension cable and grappling hand. By using this he can swing, climb, and zip all around the enemy territories. Radd must face of against the Badds and there insane leader Generalissimo Killt. But the real threat is Master-D, a clone of Adolf Hitler, the product of the Albatross program.

In 1987 Bionic Commando changed the gaming scene by removing the time tested jump button with a swing mechanic. The swing, that very rudimentarily mimicked real physics, was something wholly new. Gamers now could play out not only the war combat of other games but also the fantasy of getting around like spider-man. Other innovations such as an overworld map where player could choose were to go next and special top-down viewed enemy encounters, were included as well.

The game has held up about as well as other games of this era. For the most part, today’s gamer has moved on to save or check points moving away from the trial and error approach this game offers. Again like other of its contemporaries, Bionic Commando’s mechanics are simple and shallow in today’s world and the difficulty is high and uneven. Still for those who love old school platforming, this is a unique and engaging experience.

(Avalible on the NES - Nintendo Entertainment System)

The Incredible Hulk - 2008

2008-09-04T11:56:00.006-04:00

When I first heard that they were remaking Ang Lee's Hulk, I was quite blasé to say the least. The thought of getting my hopes up again for a comic book movie with a sickly low brow plot and over the top special effects is enough to make a guy cry... almost. That was until I saw the first trailer, when I immediately... felt that same way. But why? It looked alot nicer that the first one. Maybe they could make up for the mistakes in Ang's. But I've been jaded by too many films to assume for the best. So still I awaited the film, certainly not holding my breath. Finally opening day came, and much like christmas morning at age 62 with no grandchildren in sight, I shlumpped my way down to the theater with no more expectations and no reason for really being there. The film started, and I was wrong. As wrong as I had been for assuming Spider-man 3 was going to be good. The Incredible Hulk was everything a Hulk movie should be... and then some!

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The film opens with Dr. Bruce Banner, Edward Norton, as a fugitive in a third world nation. He works a dead end job at a bottling plant and searches for an antidote for himself in his spare time. He has trained himself to contain his emotional rage so that the "Hulk" within himself doesn't see the light of day. The military eventually finds him and try to hunt him down to test him and make a super soldier formula from his DNA. Banner then returns to the Americas in search of his long lost love Betty Ross, Liv Tyler. Some of The Hulks DNA is taken by, who will eventually become, Leader, and transplanted into Major Emil Blonsky, Tim Roth. Major Blonsky it mutated into the beast known as the Abomination, with only one agenda on his mind, The ultimate destruction of the Incredible Hulk!

The film may sound like a plot straight out of a comic book. To that I say hell yes! Finally, thanks to the likes of the Spider-Man and X-Men films can comic movies be just that. We no longer need to over hype them with ridiculous plots that the viewers and fans both hate. Movie producers have maybe come to their senses and found that if there is enough fan base to make a film, than most likely there is enough fans to make the film millions of dollars. All in all, the movie "The Incredible Hulk" was a nice addition to an already well formed line up by Marvel studios. It may not be as good as "Iron Man", but it sure as hell kills anything from the 1980's and older.

(Rated PG-13 - 114 min.)

Bionic Commando Rearmed - 2008

2008-09-04T03:12:00.003-04:00

Joseph “Super Joe” Gibson has been captured by Imperial forces! Now FSA (Federated States of America) bionic operative Nathan “RAD” Spencer is the only hope to infiltrate the enemy lines and stop the coming war. Armed with an array of guns, grenades, bazookas, Nathan has the fire power to take on the Imperial army. But the real reason he’ll be able to take down the enemy has is his Bionic left arm. Giving extra-human strength and the unique ability to launch a high tension cable and grappling hand. By using this he can swing, climb, and zip all around the enemy territories.

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20 years ago the NES and Arcades received the original Bionic Commando. At the time it was a new, fresh experience. Ditching the ubiquitous jump button of other games for a cable swinging mechanic. Now as the franchise nears a 3D relaunch, we are given a slick remake of the original.

Bionic Commando Rearmed is a great deal. Between a fully featured single player and co-op game, a series of puzzle like challenge rooms, and even a multi-player death match, this game is full of things to do. The game play is fun and engaging. Some that were raised in the post playstation days or just those with little interest in old platformers will find the simple mechanics and level design restrictive. It’s a beautiful game that shows that 2D gamming still has a place in the modern gamming environment.

(On XBox360 and PS3)

Method to the Retro Madness

2008-09-04T00:12:00.005-04:00

On every Sunday the staff here writes Retro Reviews from previously released media. We decided rather than it being a free for all, each Sunday will have a theme from now on. This will bring all of the reviewers focused and hopefully will bring a better read for all of you.

This weeks theme is Remade Movies or Games.

If you have any suggestions for the theme, we are more than willing to listen to request then steal it and say that we came up with it. Just like professional writers do. Just kidding. Later kids.

Soul Calibur IV

2008-09-04T00:01:00.007-04:00

A tale of souls and swords eternally retold. That has been the story of the Soul Blade series since the start. But after a the single console Playstation 2 flop that was Soul Calibur III, Soul Calibur IV had to be the best in the series to bring the fans back to the golden days of Soul Calibur II and Soul Calibur. Have I said Soul Calibur and numbers enough to confuse you yet. I hope so.

Soul Calibur has been a long running series since the Playstation days…yes there was a time before the PS2 for all of you young’uns out there, and the newest title brought a needed step back to its roots. Soul Calibur IV controls a lot like SCII and that is the best thing about it. Soul Calibur II, in my opinion, is the best 3D fighting game that has been released. Everything flows nicely and the hit detection is very good. They also have added a finisher move for every character. They stole the one great thing left about Mortal Kombat.

The story revolves around the would be final battle between the wielders of the Soul Edge and Soul Calibur, Nightmare and Sigfried respectively. The normal cast of characters intertwines into the story posing numerous different story threads and outcomes. The story mode itself probably could stand to be a little bit longer though. Each character plays through five stages where they fight multiple enemies and at the end, a CG cut scene wraps up the potential ending. I am kind of torn. Though for the general story, it could be longer, but as a gamer with not as much time on his hands as he once had, its kind of nice. I can play through a story in about twenty minutes and satisfy the twitch I get when I’ve neglected my 360 for a few days.

This edition also sees the inclusion of new characters and a bigger selection for the create a character. The inclusion of Hilde is a good choice. Its kind of nice not to see a woman who could actually submerge herself in water. Sigh…

For all of you Star Wars kids out there, I’m gonna need you guys to make sure that your retainers are in tight and close the bag of Doritos so they don’t spill everywhere…

I don’t think that the inclusion of Yoda, Darth Vader, and Starkiller was needed or can be justified by anyone story wise or game play wise. This was just a pathetic attempt to gain a fan base that was most likely already buying the product. Also the two character that I have been able to play, Yoda and Starkiller, are broken. Starkiller had to many unblockable moves and Yoda is about 2 feet tall thus making him impossible to hit or grab.

The online play is a much needed addition to the series. You can take either your created character or one of the many story characters. You can also start a room where the winner stays fighting until he is knocked off of his throne.

If you a big fighting game buff and you haven’t gotten this yet, for shame. For the rest of you, the game is a solid fighter that would drive the competition between any group of friends to the brink of actual fighting.

This game is rated T for Teen and is available for the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360.

Penny for your thoughts?

2008-09-03T00:12:00.003-04:00

Ok, so awesome news. look below all of the reviews... see that?... no!? look harder... common it's right there. oh now you see it! that's right comments!

ha ha! I knew you'd be excited! well thanks to a kind fellow on the forums helped us get comments on the site. The code for the (show/hide) of the reviews is working out well. As of a bit later on this week. I'll be updating the code on the site to save us some (much needed) web space. until then. peace out.

My Sassy Girl - 2008

2008-09-02T13:00:00.002-04:00

I understand that this is a remake of a 2001 Korean Romantic Comedy, Yeopgijeogin geunyeo. Although I usually prefer the Korean version to the American cash cow remake, I was very surprised at this off the wall romantic comedy. It could come off being slightly cliched but in the end it has a nice heart and My Sassy Girl is much easier to say than Yeopgij... oh forget it.
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Jesse Bradford plays Charlie Bellow's a small town guy with big city aspirations. Everything is going smoothly in his life, all be it a pretty boring life. Then He meets her. Elisha Cuthbert plays Jordan Roark, a nutcase, complicated, off her rocker and spontaneous. She is exactly what Charlie's life needs. After a touching realization of why they are both in the relationship to start with and a couple tear jerking moments, the movie leaves you with a simple good feeling.

Sure it's just a classic chick flick, but how Jordan treats Charlie is worth the watch just to have incite into how guys view crazy women. Charlie's best friend Leo is a nice yet short screen time addition to the film, I would have liked to see more of him. Anyway I think it was nice for what it was. If you don't mind chick flicks, or are forced to see one, OR more likely are obsessed like most men with Elisha Cuthbert and you have rented this film. You'll probably enjoy it.

(Rated-PG-13 . 92 min.)

Leon the Professional - 1994

2008-08-31T23:35:00.008-04:00

This is, to say the least, (excluding Star Wars) my favorite movie of all times. Now, I understand that this is a new blog/review site. So, perhaps you don't even know who I am, and are saying to yourself... "What does this kid know! He's never seen obscure movies like Robot Monster, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, 8 1/2, or The Street of Crocodiles. All of which I have seen, and you may have imagined existed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to undermine you, this site is to promote your movie library, But when I say Favorite Movie. It means something. The Professional, or as it is know in the foreign version, Leon, is director Luc Besson's greatest work (in my non-professional opinion.) Luc is the genius that brought you The Fifth Element, La Femme Nikita, The Transporter series and Arthur and the Invisibles... well they can't all be great.

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So then, now that you know the Director, let me introduce you to the actors. Leon, played by Jean Reno is a "cleaner", a hitman. He lives a solitary life until he comes across a curious young girl named Mathilda, played by Natalie Portman. When Mathilda's father is killed by a bad cop named Stansfield played by Gary Oldman, Leon and Mathilda's lives become intertwined. Mathilda then wants revenge for her little brother which she asks Leon to teach her to be a cleaner. Her revenge becomes her downfall and Leon must move in for the kill.

Jean Reno can do no wrong in my mind, and Gary Oldman is amazing in anything her touches. Oldman is truly one of this generations great actors, right up there with Daniel Day Lewis. Natalie Portman, who can normally can't act her way out of a paperbag, does the proformance of her life, and only at the tender age of 13. (sorry Natalie, but really you're just not all that good, but I do love you in V for vendetta, and you're simply a beautiful woman.) Anyway, The action/crime drama/tragedy/thriller or whatever genre you can think to put it in is going to be at the top of that list. It's just wonderful.

(Rated-R 110 min.)

Dead Rising

2008-08-31T17:54:00.019-04:00

Frank West is an independent photo journalist who has gained world reknown for the photos and stories he has given to the world. His instincts are what have given him the fame that he has, but it also gets him into trouble. Frank enters the town of Willamette, Colorado via helicopter. While in the air he spots military barricades that have blocked off the road and have jammed any transmissions from going in or out of the city. While snapping photos, he notices something that he can’t explain. Why are people killing each other? On top of the local mall is a helipad where he forces the pilot to land. “Come back for in 72 hours”, he says as they synchronize watches. Little does Frank know that three days in hell can feel like an eternity.

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Now if you are blessed to own a 360 and are not still entranced by the sheer size of Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, then you should pick up Dead Rising. Now our hero Frank West is a man who is real. He is here to get the story and that story is the zombie apocalypse. You can choose whether you want to save people or not. In a lot of cases, you can even set people up for disaster just so you can get the photo op. All of the characters are like this. There Federal agents inside the mall searching for an old man, the reason is beyond you, and they use your small bit of kindness to the point of no return. There is also a mysterious man and woman inside the mall with you who you come across from time to time. Right off the bat you learn that no one can be trusted and the only predictable thing in this mall is the zombies. And there are a lot of them. There can be up to 1000 zombies on the screen at once. And trust me if you see that many, you are probably going to die.
This is the first game in which everything is a weapon. EVERYTHING. Now I know that there are skeptics out in internet land who got here and haven’t read a thing of mine before saying, “That’s not true. I played it. Not everything is a weapon.”. You people obviously didn’t try using everything. If I can pick up a coat hanger and throw it at the zombies, then this game found everything that could be a weapon and made it a weapon. Lawnmower, weapon. Giant Patio Umbrella, weapon. Soccer ball, weapon. For god sake I can fire a Staple gun like a gun and take out a zombie. This game thought of it all when it comes to weapons and I applaud it. Also you can change outfits at different stores. You can fight zombies in a style’n white tux, or take pictures in an undersized boy scout’s uniform. It’s all free and who is going to stop you…other than the zombies.

The one thing that no one really knew about this game before it came out was the depth it actually had. It isn’t all hack up all of the rotting flesh before they kill you. The game has a very good story line. There is a lot going on. The affect of the zombies taking over, really messes some people up. They become the biggest threat in the mall and there are a lot of them. Also the game sport a simple role playing aspect to it that surprised the hell out this reviewer. As you take photos that are worthy of the being any magazine across the country, and decimating your undead foes, you gain Prestige Points (PP). The more you get the more abilities, item slots, and health you gain. The abilities are very important as you work through the game. If a horde surrounds you and you have the ability, you can pick up the cadaver of a fallen foe, and grab by the legs and start spinning. You take out everything around and make some room to make you escape.

Now I did have a few problems with the game. The Cases (Mandatory Events) are good, but I wish there was some more free roaming. Every time you go to have some fun destroying the zombie mass, you get a Game Over screen (The Worst Sight Ever) saying that you missed your deadline for one of the cases. This is not helped by the nearly illegible script that shows up at the bottom of the screen to help you. It shows you the missions that you have and how long you have to get to them. The big problem is that you need a 72” screen just to be able to read it.

This game is a wonder to the zombie game type. It goes up there with Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and Fatal Frame as one of the most innovative survival horror games out there. Like I said, if you have a 360 and enjoy all things zombie, pick it up. If you get and hate the story, graphics, characters, and the box it came in, at least you will be able to say that you survived 1000 zombies on the screen at once.

P.S.- This is an old review that I wrote a few years ago that never got posted on the old site.

This game is available on the Xbox 360 and is rated M for Mature

A.I. Artiffical Inteligence - 2001

2008-08-31T03:00:00.010-04:00

To begin I want to state this is my least favorite movie of all time, so take the follow with that grain of salt.

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A.i. Artificial Intelligence is the odd combination of the positive filmmaking of Stephen Spielberg and the pessimistic dark theme suited to the original director Stanley Kubrick. The film follow the strange journey of David a newly minted android prototype. What makes David different from others is ability to love, thanks to a hard wired set of programming. He had been give to an employee of the manufacturer to test out. The employee and wife have been suffering with the absence of their real son who is in cryogenic freeze due to a severe medical condition. After saying a key phrase David is permanently bonded to his “mother.” After the family’s real sin is cured it becomes apparent David no long fits into the picture. Since the android’s artificial love is assigned to his mother, he cannot be reprogrammed and will have to be dismantled. Un able to go through with it, his mother abandons him. Thus David begins a hopeless quest to reunite with her. Along the way he is aided by SuperTeddy a thinking robotic toy, Gigolo Joe a android framed for murder, and others. All the while pursued by the company that built him and authorities.
What seems so apparent by the end of the movie is the colossal mismatch of Kubrick material and Spielberg’s direction. It simply doesn’t work. Had Kubrick lived long enough to make this film, or it had been a Spielberg the whole time, it might have been entertaining. The beginning of the film is warm and full of the family movie styling’s of many Spielberg projects. This creates a sense of caring that throws your emotions in the garbage disposal when the glut of the film goes to dark, gritty, and poisonous world outside David’s home. Gigolo’s unjust situation, the hedonistic black and neon cityscapes, and especially the vulgar and disturbing anti-robot rally, work to elevate the hardships of David to sadism. Lastly the ridiculously out of the blue ending is a terrible attempt to cap the movie. I feel that it’s an uneven presentation and unwatchable.

(Rated-PG-13 . 146 min.)

Babylon A.D. - 2008

2008-08-30T19:14:00.007-04:00

When I go to see a movie, I have a few rules, as most of us do. I don’t like missing the trailers, subtitles don’t bother me, and one of my more specific ones is to stay clear of anything featuring Vin Diesel. If you like him, that’s fine. I won’t think anything less of you, but I just don’t get into his movies or his acting skills. In spite of all this I for went my rule and trudged into my local theater to see Babylon A.D. I should have followed my own rules.

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Babylon A.D. is a low tech cyber punk story based on a French novel named Babylon Babies. The story mainly centers around hard skinned mercenary Toorop (Diesel). After being exiled from America for terrorist acts, Toorop gets the opportunity to finally go back while escorting a little girl named Aurora (Thierry) and her monk care keeper Sister Rebeka (Yeoh). His journey takes him from Mongolia through Russia and then to New York. Along the way, Toorop is forced to protect his passengers from a religious group called Noelite, and a group of men saying that they were sent by Aurora’s father, who is supposed to be dead. As the journey becomes more intense Aurora begins to show knowledge and powers that no human that has been stashed in a monastery for their whole lives should ever have. Toorop is forced to make a decision whether he should give up the girl for his own good, or defend her for the sake of the world.

The film brought many disappointments to this reviewers eyes. I went in with a bit of hope. I am big fan of cyber punk and will see anything that has a near future feel. This the reason why I paid eight dollars to see Ultra Violet (By the way Trash the hell out of It when it comes to Ultra Violet). Babylon A.D. takes a wrong turn right off the bat with the unnecessary killing of a character with out much explanation other than prior history. The rest of the film devolves into a story designed for action stunts rather than telling a story that a viewer can latch on to and lose themselves in. There are also some very awkward moments and plot holes that could have been patched up with a little explanation or just a cut of the film.

We all know my thoughts on Vin Diesel with the afore mentioned rule. Other than that, the acting is bland and at times awkward. This could be the result of the writing or the apparent rewriting that occurred between pre and post productions. Apparently, the story is that 20th Century Fox removed control of the film from its director Mathieu Kassovitz and made heavy changes to production without his approval. He even called the distributor out on the move and was very upset with the changes.

The one shining light that did come from the film was the world and the tech inside of it. There were some very nice touches. One of my favorites was a fold out map that had a touch screen L.E.D. screen used for plotting Toorop’s course. The world itself had a lot of intrigue as well. There is a religion trying to prove the validity, some kind of conflict going on that causes everyone to carry guns and be on their guard when they go anywhere in public, and of course the criminal underground is ran out of back street club where barbaric fights occur. This is what any cyber punk’s wet dream would consist of.

All in all, the movie was a very big let down. If you are a fan of over the top action, shitty story, and you don’t have a rule against seeing Vin Diesel movies, by all means go see it. Otherwise, save your eight bucks for another day.

(Rated PG-13. 90 min.)

Chicago 10 - 2007

2008-08-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

So before I review this particular film, you as the reader should know that this is a 100% political film with its own message and I as the reviewer am firmly stanch in my political beliefs. Whether my beliefs reflect that of the film or not I will retain unto myself. This is a movie review site after all, not a political forum. Movies like this make me with this was a forum though.

Anyway, Chicago 10 follows the before and after of the p

rotesters and rioters during the 1968 Chicago Democratic Convention. The movie consists mainly of stock footage and a mixture of 2D and 3D animation. The animation is crap at best. A conscious lack of decent inbetweening and piss poor modeling of the characters. The style is ment to look like rotoscoping, but is nothing more than cheap cell shaded computer animation. The combination of all of the mixed media could result in a decent documentary, but instead the film seems separate from itself.

What I found most interesting of this film is the timing it was created, and in such a rushed fashion. This would lead me to think that they are trying to either cash in or at least capitalize on the new 2008 election coming up. Common sense would say of course the Director would want to get his point across at the peak of its possible popularity. My interest doesn't come from the physical timing, more so that a film so blatantly bias towards a non-capitalist

bias would want to use basic capitalist ideals to make profit. Seems rather backwards does it not? Don't get me wrong though, I don't mean to harp of the film as I am, I said I would stay away from my political views and so I shall. Let me see, things that can salvage the movie? The editing is decent, of course that is pretending that there was tolerable footage to edit. The use of modern music to try and connect today's youth with the hippie, or Yippie generation is troublesome, but acceptable. Otherwise. I left the film with a resounding grunt. Simply put, it's weak, and falls short of any amount of deep thought or a basic history lesson.

In Summation, If you see yourself as a tool used to "fight the man", then I'm sure you already own this movie. If you consider yourself anything but a left wing radical then stay away from this propaganda. Also remember anyone out there still thinking of renting this. The yippies are fighting the democrats and more than once verbally gay bash. It is amazing how time heals all wounds... and apparently rewrites them as well.

(Rated-R . 110 min.)

Hamlet 2 -2008

2008-08-28T03:09:00.003-04:00

Arguably the greatest play in the English language is given an insane sequel by the washed out actor turned drama teacher Dana Maschz in Hamlet 2. It’s an off the wall, wholly irreverent comedy. At its core this a simple ‘kids become inspired by their teacher and overcome’ cookie cutter plot.

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We follow a funny collection of oddball characters through the production of the titular play. Also involved are the disgruntled school principle, former actress Elizabeth Shue, a pushy civil liberties attorney, the community of Tucson Arizona, and Marschz’s roommates, including his wife. As the story progress the most referenced, but not often shown, components of Hamlet 2 seem to have a scene or song to offends every race, creed, and genre of literature. This lampooning hits it peak at the end of the film when we see the actual production performances of the songs, “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus” and “Raped in the Face.”

All this taboo humor comes together well, but could unsettle some. Beyond that the Hamlet 2 also is geared to those who are familiar with the world of theater and is aimed at those who are least high school musical alumni. This niche appeal conspires to limit the audience and makes it hard to suggest it to everybody.

(Rated-R . 92 min.)

Madden NFL - 2009

2008-08-27T00:21:00.018-04:00

Today I take a look at the summer perennial that has long made the middle of the year a pit of sorrow and despair, Madden NFL 2009. Now I’m not saying that Madden is a bad franchise, its just other gaming companies do not want to go up against the juggernaut that EA Games a created, and when a company does go up against them, 2K Football, they squelch them out of existence. Over the years, EA has done everything that they can to make sure that they stay on top. Through this, they have acquired the rights to ESPN and the NFL. I see this as a bad thing. I love the competition that other NFL franchises used to produce for EA to go up against. Since taking the rights, I feel that the quality of game play has gone down. Madden NFL 2009 is an exception and a follower of the last statement.

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Madden 2009 comes to the table with over 75 new features ranging from being able to return missed field goals to the all new Madden IQ. The Madden IQ rates your overall ability how to play different aspects of the game. These include Run Offense, Run Defense, Pass Offense, and Pass Defense. Now these can be expanded on, but at base value, this is what you have to work with. The system is a very interesting step as the game does start to learn how you play and makes you learn how to play different ways other than play action, drop back, BOMB IT, and touchdown. The major problem that I have with this is that if you allow the game to customize without your own little tweaks, you end up being more frustrated than the KoZaK trying to find anywhere while driving. (He is horrible at finding any place that he has never been before. The first time he tried to come over to my house, he ended up driving twenty minutes past it and called in a panic saying, “I lost and all I can see is a big road.”) Once you do go and tweak it to what your actual challenge is, the game play is wonderful. The revamped truck and hit sticks make a big difference. In addition, the new celebration squares in the end zone are a nice touch.

With the game play being as good as it is, I would have thought that the presentation of the game would at least be as good as previous years. Though it happens often, I was still surprised to see that I was wrong. First off, the new announcers Cris Collinsworth, a former Emmy Award Winning Football Commentator, and Tom Hammond, a football commentator known for being one of the voices of the Olympics and the XFL, come off less than enthusiastic. Cris Collinsworth is flat and rarely gets excited about any play whether how big or small. At least Cris calls the game though. The majority of lines that come out of Tom Hammond’s mouth are either hyping the NFL or EA sports. This is something that I take as an insult. The players of video games came for a near real life experience out of this game. All the announcers do is drag down game play and make every game turn into one big annoying advertisement.

After that, it just turns into little gripes that are all justified, but are petty just the same. Not being able to easily discern who is next up to the fantasy draft. The only indication is a faded football symbol in the background of the draft board that is tough to spot if you are not looking for it. The next is the lack of players’ names and stats from previous seasons. The announcers rarely name anyone by name unless they are a big player. And lastly is the lack of a Player of the Game. They are all little gripes and not reasons to buy the games, but if they are so petty, why couldn’t they be put back in game like in previous years.

In the long run, Madden has the most solid game play in a football game since ESPN NFL 2K5. The issue of presentation is something that takes this game from an absolute Buy It to the normal yearly Rent It that I have given it every year since writing reviews.

Madden Nfl 2009 is available for XBOX 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, PSP, and DS. It is rated T for teen and is available in both regular and collectors editions.

Tropic Thunder - 2008

2008-08-26T13:00:00.006-04:00

What kind of movie would you expect to see if I handed you a movie staring a washed up hack, former drunken druggie and a slightly over rated actor. Well I don't know what movie you're thinking about cause it sure as hell isn't Tropic Thunder. Directed by Ben Stiller, which could be a good thing or bad thing depending on which of his movies you've seen. The movie also stars Jack Black and Robert "I'm in every movie in 2008" Downey Jr. Both of which bring so much to the proverbial table I still can't quite believe it. If you haven't seen the movie yet, and you're pretty sure you still have a funny bone go see the movie right now, before you read the rest of this review... Then come back and read the review, cause otherwise why would i write it?

O.K. so now that you've seen the movie, aren't you so happy I told you to? I know you are. Anyway, The movie focuses on Tugg Speedman, Kirk Lazarus and Jeff Portnoy. Stiller, Downey Jr and Black respectively. All of these actors are looking to expand their acting careers with the new movie Tropic Thunder, a film based on the "real life" accounts of "Four Leaf" Tayback, Nick Nolte. As the movie filming begins to bomb, "Four Leaf" Tayback suggests to the movies director, Damien Cockburn played by Steve Coogan, that they film "guerrilla style" in the jungle to give the actors and the film a much more realistic feel. From that point on you wont stop laughing. I don't want to blow anything of the plot in this review though, honestly just go and see it.For those of you who are reading this with out listening to my prior mentioning of seeing the movie first, make sure to get to the theater early! There are fake movie trailers to start of the feel for the movie. Defiantly don't miss those!
Ben Stiller's character is only known for a series of lame action films, not to mention is oscar attempt entitled "Simple Jack", where he went "full retard". Robert Downey Jr's character, Kirk Lazarus is known for all his movies being blatant oscar nods. Jack Black's character is a rip on famous comedians from the past 10 years, mostly Eddie Murphy, where all his movies are played by himself and the plots revolve around fart jokes. But the best role in the whole film is by far Tom Cruise's. Yes that's right, Tom "I'm coo coo for cocoa puffs" Cruise. He plays Les Grossman, a fat, hairy, jew with a love for hip hop music. His constant swearing and over the top acting blows off the screen and straight into your heart. I know, I know.... Tom Cruise + in to your heart = paradox. But it's true. So go, go right now and see this movie! Do it!... what are you doing still reading this? GO!

(Rated-R . 107 min.)

Star Wars : The Clone Wars - 2008

2008-08-25T03:06:00.007-04:00

The most successful franchise in history takes one more plunge into theaters before heading to the small screen, and does so quite successfully. Star Wars: The Clone Wars is fun action adventure romp that takes on an adventure set between Episode II and III of the prequel trilogy of the Star Wars saga. The main focus is on the Jedi Knights of those films as they and their cloned army comrades, struggle to bring peace and justice to the old republic. Among them is the wise negotiator Obi-Wan Kenobi, his student the brooding Anakin Skywalker, and Anakin's fresh face new pupil Ahsoka Tano. The main window into the galaxy far, far away here is Ashoka as she learns to be a Jedi and understand her place in the universe. The trio face a number of trials to secure the favor of a powerful crime lord to aid in the war effort.

The story is well laid out and delivered, with the voice cast delivering a great performance. The authenticity of having Christopher Lee, Samuel L. Jackson, and Anthony Daniels, really helps bring the animated adventure some true cinematic quality. Now, that said, while the film is a good tale on its own it never can quite shake the stigma of being a pilot episode of an upcoming TV show. Most notable the animation fumbles a few times. Hand painted textures and backgrounds make this easier to over look you still can help see the fine for TV quality that suffers from being pushed to the big screen.

For Star Wars fans this a preview of great things to come; gripping adventure, memorable characters, and light-saber duels. But those not already in love with Yoda and wookies will not find much to draw them in, and most everybody will want more than just a big screen TV special.

(Rated-PG . 98 min.)

Brick - 2005

2008-08-24T13:00:00.010-04:00

Written and Directed by Rian Johnson, a relative new comer to the film industry, and yet this, his second film on record is already easily one of my 20 favorite films of all time. The acting, the cinematography, the direction and the glorious writing. The overall feeling of the film could best be described as a high school drug dealing 1940's detective drama set in modern day with just a hint of comedy. (and yes, that's the "best" way to describe it.)

The movie follows Brendan Frye, a teenager who becomes obsessed with finding his ex-girlfriend, Emily, when she mysteriously disappears. After following some leads Brendan meets up with the local gang leader, The Pin, and his henchman, Tug. Enter the fem fatal, Laura. She offers twists and turns into the plot that no one could see coming. The ending falls on Brendan to figure out which gang/click in the school would have the infor

mation to rescue Emily and find

where the Pin's missing brick went off to.

The over arching feeling for this whole film is something from a bygone era of quips and retorts. Personally, I miss those times. Where writing a good story was more important than how much the special effects budget was. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3rd rock from the sun, the lookout) plays Brendan, his acting is slick and classy. At some point this kid must have devoured the heart of a great actor in order to consume there unholy acting ability. Either that or he took ALOT of acting lessons, because since Brick his talent has risen through the roof. Not to mention the other actors in the film that do an awesome justice to the script. On a personal side note, I'm not one to swoon over actresses, but man oh man! Nora Zehetner is defiantly fitting of the modern fem fatal role. All in all, rent this movie tonight if you haven't already had the privilege to see it. If you have seen it then I'm sure you already own it.

(Rated-R . 110 min.)

River City Ransom - 1989

2008-08-24T03:20:00.011-04:00

From the unorthodox union of Double Dragon Style beat’em ups and RPG shops and sats comes one of the most unique and downright fun games of all time. In the quaint mini metropolis of River City, the kids are not alright. It seems the local gangs have all been brought under one banner. They’ve taken control of the local High School and from there other parts of the city. But Slick, the ringleader, crosses the line when he kidnaps Cyndi, as this causes her boyfriend Ryan and his best pal Alex to step into action.

The most unique thing about the game is how Ryan and Alex start out just barely able to hold their own but grow into gang busting machines. This done by going to the local shops scattered around town and eating food to increase stats, reading books to learn new techniques, and relaxing in a questionably run spa. You gain the money to buy all these helpful items by beating the lunch money out of the gang members running amok around the city. As you progress you’ll need to take down the leaders of the various areas and then take out Slick’s lieutenants. When you’ve trained up enough you can then go and take down the big man himself, save the city, and get the girl.

A great multiplayer game with surprising depth for an old 8-bit game, River City Ransom is game you shouldn’t pass up.
(Available on the NES, Wii Virtual Console, Rated E+10 and on the Game Boy Advanced as River City Ransom Ex, Rated Teen)

Son of Rambow - 2007

2008-08-23T01:39:00.031-04:00

Just by viewing the cover you would probably assume that this is some kind of odd comedy based on little children's imaginations. And you would be exactly right. This is the newest comedy from Garth Jennings. He would be the same guy that directed The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, and if you liked that then this will be right up your alley.

The story opens with Will Proudfoot, the oldest son in his religiously bizarre family. Will revolts in his own quiet way through his doodles and imagination. Through no fault of his own, he encounters Lee Carter. Lee would be described as being from the wrong side of the tracks. He also rebels, but with no parental guidance around to

care, his actions are far superior to Will's. They eventually hit it off as friends and begin filming on a movie for a local film festival. Their movie, Son of Rambow, will be the platform to these unlikely friends stardom. They hit some potholes along their way including an impossibly cool french foreign exchange student Didier Revol, A flying dog kite firing a semi-automatic weapon at them and a concussion or two.

This movie may seem a bit off the wall for most, and so be it. Much like it's director's predecessor, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, the film is aimed at a small niche group. My hopes would be that most would at least give Son of Rambow a shot. It may not be your particular cup of tea, but a couple chuckles here and there, if for no other reason than remembering your own childhood and the ridiculously dumb things we all have done. Son of Rambow's tag line is "Make Believe, Not War." If that doesn't sum this whole movie up, I don't know what does.

(Rated PG-13 . 96 min.)

Batman: the Dark Knight - 2008

2008-08-22T01:17:00.031-04:00

At first glance and a thought of the past, Batman in cinema is like anything sharp and spiny up one’s rectum. The mass amount of crap that encompasses the previous Batman movies, games, and television make a person very gun shy. The rubber suit with the nipples alone makes a guy want to start doing something productive with Sundays rather than waking up and watching cartoons. But with the release of Batman Begins, it makes one want to take up there fire arm and start firing up in the air wildly like you’re a Warner Bros. cartoon. Now its three years later and the long awaited sequel to the best non-comic book Batman production finally is out for the masses…and is taking box office records like Michael Phelps takes names in the pool.

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The movie shows the beginning of the sophomore year of the Dark Knight, and Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has managed to motivate the people of Gotham with his actions so much that they’re taking to the streets to help in the cause. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we see the crime families slowly starting to lose their grasp on the underworld of Gotham to the freaks. One freak in particular, The Joker (Heath Ledger), leads the sadistic charge to give the city the type of criminal that they can be proud of. In response the new District Attorney, Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), vows to clean up the streets and make a world where Batman is not needed, but when the pressure of the job starts to get to the D.A., Big Bad Harv starts to show his face.

So I sat there at midnight in front of the IMAX waiting for my film to start when this reviewer’s favorite part of the movie started, The Previews. Now I don’t really talk about previews in my reviews because it typically does not have any bearing on how I view a film…but when the DC Comics symbol flashed across the screen, all my hair stood on end and I could barely hold back from shouting. The guys sitting next to us thought it was the Flash, we knew better. It was The Watchman. If you have yet to see the trailer, http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/watchmen/, now there are no excuses. This was the perfect primer for what turned out to be the best summer movie.

The Dark Knight catered to all the audiences. Everyone one from the palest comic book geek to the illiterate jock who wouldn’t be caught dead leafing through a trade paperback. There was action, drama, comedy, tragedy, a little bit of everything for everyone. It managed to capture the dark tone that the comics have and was still able to have someone who has never even heard of Batman a nice insight into the legacy that the series is.

The acting was top notch in this one. Heath Ledger definitely went out with the performance of a lifetime. He portrayed the Joker in a way that made you fear any man with a painted face for at least a week. The Joker is a sick sadistic tortured soul whose only goal in life is to make Batman’s life a living hell, and Heath brought that to a whole new level. If he does not win an Oscar for at least Best Supporting Actor, I will be very disappointed. Christian Bale brings in another vocal chord snapping performance. He manages to make his voice change to what would be a demons voice. Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhall, and Morgan Freeman all bring in solid performances.

When it comes to Batman, or anything comics for that matter, the action has to be top notch as well as story. The fight scenes and chases are some of the best I have seen on the big screen. My favorite scene though involves The Joker, a mobster, a pencil, and a vanishing trick that Criss Angel himself would not attempt.

From top to bottom, this film is the best thing to come out in a very long time. From actors to production, this film is far and beyond the best film, I have seen this year, and will be the best one you will see to.
A great story coupled with wonderful acting and action. Nothing can be better. Taaaa Daaaa!

(Rated PG-13 . 152 min.)

Well, well...

2008-08-21T03:03:00.008-04:00

So this is the new duds that I've been hearing about for the past couple of weeks. Seems a nice fit for a minimalist writer. For all of you out there in TV land, I'm Kaz and I am going to go ahead and appoint myself head reveiwer. That's right.

We here at PCS are dedicated to giving all media a reveiw that people will enjoy and will be informed by. If anyone out there has an idea for something that they would like reveiwed or just has something to say to three hacks, just contact us and give us the blunt end of the stick.-Kaz

wait. it's just a Blog?

2008-08-20T23:40:00.015-04:00

Welcome to Pop Culture Suicide! This is a Cryostorm.com based website. The three of us, your lovable reviewers decided that there wasn't quite enough junk online and figured we should add to the pile o' crap.
Thus this blog was born. We will be offering reviews on movies, games and anything else we can get our hands on. Unlike the majority of the internet, our reviews aren't just for our own justification that our lives have meaning (although that would be nice too.) Instead we set out to review for you, the reader. So you want have to waste your time on junkie movies and games. So with that all said...Hope to see you around! Check in every other day or so. There's no currently set update day, more "when we get around to it" style. But don't worry, we wouldn't leave ya' hanging!
Kozak-