Roll Bounce - 2005

Rated - PG-13
112 min.

So, I've seen this movie awhile ago, when it first came out. But recently, VH1 has been playing it almost every weekend. I thought it would be a good time to review it, seeing as I would put it in a rental level. Now you can watch it without renting it!
The movie is the perfect lazy sunday morning movie. It's quaint and warm hearted, while still being pretty funny. It is very steeped in 1970's period humor, which is fine by be. (I'm a huge fan of the 70's.) There's a good bit of humor mixed with drama, and the acting is way above what the movie "should" have. I was very suprised with... Bow Wow's... acting abilities. If you like rollerskating, the 1970's and Kool and the gang go and watch this one the next time it's on TV.
"The point is we tryin' to make: Don't mess with the Department of Sanitation or you will come up dirty! "

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Punisher - War Zone - 2008

Rated - R
103 min.

Personally I don't know why they decided to do a remake, of the remake... they already did?...
I enjoyed the 2004 Punisher movie. It was a bit hokey and very comic book-ey. But all in all it was fun. This movie was fine as longas you know they are pandering to the Mature audiences. Swearing and gore, not too much sex. Mostly ridiculous blood and gore. Some of it was fun and laugh out load painful. Other bits were just stupid, places where that amount of blood didn't need to be. The story was kind of weak, but no more weak than the last punisher. It's the punisher?! Really how many stories are there?
Man loses family, he kills people cause he's lonely.
On a side note, the little girl in the movie I ended up really feeling for. They did a nice job of showing a relationship of how Frank Castle wants his family again and tries to live vicariously through the other family.
"Wait, wait! My husband, Nicky. We talked about you. Argued about you. He said you were one of the good guys."

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RENT IT (on the lower end of rental, close to trash it.)

Terminator 4 - Salvation - 2009

Rated - PG-13
130 min.

I went to this one thinking I would totally deadpan the review. It was suprisingly entertaining. Don't get me wrong, it was most definatly an action film, no bones about it. But thats not always a bad thing. I know I would have liked more of a plot and more in depth character development, but beggers can't be choosers. It was suprising how well the movie links up with the first in the series and I heard that they've already green lighted a 5th and most likely a 6th to round down the Terminator story. So for sure... (excuse the sad joke...) "They'll be back...!"
This series really has become the "Star Wars" to the action inthused. I would have liked Christian Bale to have brought more to the table, but the actor who played Kyle Reese, Anton Yelchin, was perfect for the role. I of course mention his name, because he was SO good for the role, that I hope people keep their eyes on him. He also played chekov in Star Trek, and we can explect to hear much more from him in the future!
So I'd say a solid summer time rental. If you are so inclined go see it in the theathers, but I'm sure that there is something better out... maybe...
"Two day old coyote. It's better than three day old coyote."

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Terminator 2: Judgment Day - 1991

Rated - R
137 min

So in keeping with this weeks theme, I bring you T2! This is my personal favorite in the series. And the 4 oscars the movie won would agree with me. Hyper violent, weird lingo and graphics that still somehow hold up to todays standards. It is the perfect example of the 1990's and all of it's splendor!
So in summary, the Terminator unit return, must take down his futuristic replacement T-1000. This liquid metal robot can shape shift, and destroy. Which he does much of through out the film. Again, If you some how missed this one definatly go grab it! Theres no reason why you wouldn't love it.
"No, no, no, no. You gotta listen to the way people talk. You don't say "affirmative," or some shit like that. You say "no problemo." And if someone comes on to you with an attitude you say "eat me." And if you want to shine them on it's "hasta la vista, baby." "

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The Terminator - 1984

Rated - R
108 min.

I don't know how, but let's pretend that you somehow missed this movie. Seriously, did you sleep through the 1980's?
But, let's pretend for a moment.
A machine from the future to kill the Conners bloodline, so that they can rule the future earth. The special effets are tame by todays standards, but it's still a fun movie. With some of the best one liners in all of film, this movie was never ment to be missed.
so sit back and enjoy a trip to the mid-80's, gaze on to the future Cal-iE-FORnia main man, Arnold in his hay-day.
"Plastique. An explosive with nitroglycerides, but it's more stable. I used to make them when I was a kid."

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The Bridge on the River Kwai - 1957

Rated - PG
161 min.

To say OWN IT, I think would be a bit over kill. This is an amazing film and deserves it's rightful spot in the pantheon of great all time films. But in my opinion it isn't the kind of movie that you would plunk in on a rainy day.
The movie follows a crew of hostiges held captive. They force them to build a bridge, get this now... over the Kwai river. Instead of doing the obvious, and trying to sabbotoge the bridge or perhaps make the junkiest bridge they can. These soldiers take pride in their creation. They are going to build the greatest bridge any ones ever seen. The ending isn't a suprise, but I wont ruin it for you if you haven't seen it.
The movie is a bit slow, the acting is supurb and I would not recommend watching the film with out being able to sit down and set aside a solid 3 hours of devotion, in order to view it straight through.
"I'd say the odds against a successful escape are about 100 to one. But may I add another word, Colonel? The odds against survival in this camp are even worse."

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Wonderous Oblivion - 2003

Rated - PG
106 min.

Over the years many fine sports films have been made. These films are created to inspire and show the true test of the human spirit. Myself, being an american, I think of Football (American), Hockey, Baseball and maybe competitive eating. But I do not think cricket.
Yes cricket, that strange sport we stole baseball from.
What I can say about the movie is this, it touches wonderfully on thick topics of racism, dealing with them in an unique manner only the english could discover. I say this because when you watch a film about racism in the states, you think Black Panthers, Malcom X, MLK and just in general a much more brutal depiction. The English bring us a strange form of pride and disrespect in racism. They are truly a noble people. As for the sports aspect of the film, I enjoyed it as best that I could. The sport of cricket seems very silly to me. But if you are looking for an uplifting film envolving sports, thats a bit under the radar, I'd say check this one out.
Play ball!

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Orgazmo - 1997

Rated - NC - 17
92 min.

I've made it a point to see all of matt and trey's movies. I love their comedy. This flick is next to impossible to find anywhere other than netflix, which is sad, because I remember when it came out, and it's insane!
Especially, with my past in California, I think the humor sunk that much deeper with me, because the "California" they show in this movie is seriously what californian's are like. It's a diffrent world. The main character moves to Cali to strike it big and he gets caught up in the pornography world.
Did I mention he's a devout mormon?
Definatly worth the rental, so good luck finding it, and enjoy the 1990's all over again!
"Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass! "

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Ghost Town - 2008

Rated - PG-13
102 min.

As I say often, I am a sucker for indie romantic comedies. Mock me if you must, but it's true. So take my opinion with a grain of salt. This one was pretty funny, and it had a good take on the "6th sense-esq films". There's a decent moral to boot. But I think my favorite part was that it's not nessesarly a happy ending. Not by any means a tragedy, but not your simple, "everyone is better by the end" type.
I'd say this would fall into the vast rift known as "rainy day flicks". So this being May, next rain storm. Check it out, you might be suprised at how much you love to hate the main character as well as the dry british-esq humor. It's a good time.
"Well, I can see he died happy... "

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X-Men Origins - Wolverine - 2009

Rated - PG-13
109 min.

The movie was, unfortunatly not as good as I would have hoped. Much like the 3 previous X-men movies, they took their artistic liberties with the story archs. Not to say that their stories are bad. But if you know anything about comics, it can be insulting to your years of fan service. If you are the kind of fan who has fallen in love with the X-Men universe, but only through the movies, then go rush out and see the movie. It's great, good action, decent story. (all be it, the plot has NOTHING to do with the comics it is based on.)
But all in all it was fine. If you like comics, RENT IT. If you like the movies, SEE IT. I know my comics, and I am a nerd. So I say rental. But either way, check it out.
"All I ever wanted was to travel to far off exotic places, meet new exciting people and then kill them. So I become a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do."

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Delicatessen - 1991

Rated - R
99 min.

This is a DARK comedy. Take two parts "Sweeny Todd" mix in one part Jerry Lewis / Monty Python, bring to a boil and served chilled with a garnish of Brazil. And you would have a movie only the french and/or mentally twisted could love.
Needless to say I loved it. The movie seriously is just the if you, an average person were to stumble into Sweeny Todd, and they decided that you were going to be the next course. It's pretty funny. Downsides, it's very... very French. So take that with the large grain of salt it deserves.
Also, being so very french. It's subtitled. thats it. Some things don't quite cross the cutural barrier. Like how Americans go to the movies to watch and listen, not read.
"Nobody is entirely evil: it's that circumstances that make them evil, or they don't know they are doing evil."

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The Soloist - 2009

Rated - PG-13
109 min.

This was alot more moving, alot deeper and mostly alot "more" than I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be a drama, but I honestly thought that there would be a healthy amount of humor in it. There wasn't. It's a heavy movie, no bones about it. But it's also beautiful. The story runs a bit too long, but not bad. The cinematography is wonderful, using blacklighting and skewed angles to put you in the mind of Jamie Fox's character, who is without a doubt, bat shit crazy. Robert Downey Jr's character is your classic liberal from LA. His heart's in the right place, but he never wants to listen to the problem at hand, he only keeps throwing money at it and then wonders why the problem still exists.
There's some beautiful scenes, very remonicent of Fantasia. With light and music. If nothing else, rent the movie to see those. All in all it was very nice, supurb acting, but a bit too heavy for a summer blockbuster. I'd say rental.
"I've never loved anything the way he loves music."

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Westworld - 1973

Rated - PG
88 min.

First off, this is a story by Micheal Crichton. Which makes it already really sweet. But, even with the crappy special effects and lame 70's filmography, the movie still entertains. What I would love to see, (which this is saying alot, seeing as I hate almost all of them...) I'd love to see a remake of this. It's a really well thought out story, all be it a bit cliche', but I see this much like other older movies, it's only cliche' because other movies copied it. So this was the original.
If you like the wild west, have a love for mustaches and share in Micheal Crichton's fear and hatred for theme parks, then this will be up your alley.
"The hell, god dammit, that's not supposed to happen!"

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Crank 2: High Volatage - 2009

Rated - R
96 min.

The tag line for this movie should be, "Get ready... to get offended!" Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't consider myself to be someone who is easily offended. But in our brave new world that has such people in it, surrounded day by day with political correctness, and the fear that if you tell an off color joke Big Brother will swoop down on you and drag you to some abandoned warehouse for reconditioning... This movie takes all that fear of being ostracized and burns it to the ground and tinkles on the ashes. This movie is so offensive on SO many levels, that I'm amazed it's not rated NC-17. Seriously.
It's really rough at some points where, even I was thinking... "Isn't someone going to stop them soon!?... " The only major upside of this blood / gore / sex / nudity / racial slur / femenist degrading / action packed FIESTA... is that on some strange level... this is technically an experimental film.
The category reserved for art houses... there is flash backs, extreme camera angles, diffrent filter effects and the use of text on the screen is stunning...
I know this review is getting long for me... but... I don't know where to settle on this one. It's not a trash it, and not a see it... But I don't want you to have to suffer through it by rental either...
I simply will leave it to you reader. Good Luck... you're gonna need it.
"Fuck You Chelios!?!"


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Monster Camp - 2007

Rated - NR (not rated)
81 min.

Nerds will one day enherit the earth... although it might be their own fantasy earth with goblins and dragons. This is a quick view into the world and life of LARP-ers (for those who don't know, Live Action Role Playing = LARP). It almost looks enjoyable by the end of the documentary, then you quickly remember that you might want to get laid at some point in the future and put the thought to the side. You know that dark side where you keep other geeky dreams like going to a rocky horror midnight show, going to a weird al concert and asking a girl out by commenting on how she "is your density..". (To the readers, I have done some of those as well, don't worry, you're with friends.)Now then, the movie's main focus follows a couple groups of kids that are avid LARP-ers. The main story archs are a newbie playing a NPC (no more explainations, figure it out on your own.), a swave man-boy bringing his girlfriend?, and two friends who will have nothing to say to anubis when he weights their hearts and asks "What the hell did you guys do with your life!?". But al in all a nice group of kids. And I feel bad, there are some players who are "normal" people just they REALY like armour and knives. (I'd be in that category.)So I leave you with this, If you are into RGP's / LARPing, check this out its cute. If you are not into this and find it all silly and childish... totally rent this! You will laugh your ass off at these goofs.... (yes, I inculde myself with those "goofs"....sigh


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Children of the Revolution - 1996

Rated - R
101 min.

I picked this one up on a whim. I had never heard about it. But then I watched the trailer, and had to rent it! And it was worth it. Not exactly what I had expected, it was a bit more dramatic than what I thought it would be, but had some wonderful dark humor. If your a fan of Totalitarian Governments and the humor they can have, then this will be right up your alley!... I know it's up mine.
"It's a bastard of a world out there, if you know what I mean. "
(sorry I couldn't find a trailer for it.)


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Dragonball: Evolution - 2009

Rated - PG
84 min.

So... how bad could my review for this get...? Well, not that bad actually. I know... I'm suprised too. Don't get me wrong, this was not.. i repeat NOT a "good" movie. But for what it was, the source material mainly. I was very unsure of this movie going into the theater, but, and this is a big BUT... it was... enjoyable?
Notice I did NOT say "GOOD". it wasn't. It was lame, and basically just an action kung fu flick. But then I realized... what's wrong with that?
Harking back to those youthful days of looking forward to the first Power Rangers Movie, there's something to flipping around with no sembalance of a plot. I've forgotten that movies could just be "fun and enjoyable" ... while still being generally bad. The only thing that I would say is that you should just see this if you are a fan of the series. If not, then just go see "Forbidden Kingdom". Same Diffrence, with less backstory.
"Kamehameha!"

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RENT IT (suprisingly...)

Henry Poole is here - 2008

Rated - PG
99 min.

So with Easter coming up, I figured I should do a more "religious" film. (Seeing as I'm not all that into religious films, I will do a review of a film that I was dooped into.) Yes that's right... Dooped! Watch the trailer on this one and tell me that you would think it to be a heavily religious movie. Not to say that's a bad thing, but it was by no means what I was expecting. To talk down about it though would be wrong. If you were in the mood for an uplifting story about God's presence in our lives, this would be it. I had fully intended on ripping this movie apart for leading me to belive it was a humorous romp into grouchy old man land...
It was far from that, what it was though, was a movie with a solid story with beautiful acting. I was angry for half of the film, that I wasn't aware of its religious undertones, yet as the movie progressed I found that was the point. The main character finds God through his disbelief. You as the audience find out how much you believe as well. I related alot to the main character and, other than the obligitory sappy ending, was very suprised with the film after I had time to let it settle in my mind.


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Bulworth - 1998

Rated - R
108 min.

I had missed this one when if first came out. (around the same time as many political thrillers, ie: Wag the Dog and Primary Colors.) It really has a great story to tell about politics and the black community. There are alot of things about the film that I disagree with (politically). What's nice though, is that there's alot I DO agree with at the same time. I think that was the point of the film. To challenge you political ideals as well as those whom you disagree with. The movie has a nice combination of "Dave" and "Do the Right Thing". I would definatly say to check it out, if you haven't seen it already.

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A Boy and His Dog - 1975

Rated - R
91 min.

Two words: Don, Johnson!
Yes thats right, the rolled up cuff, pink button down, miami vice himself! Only here he's about 25 years old and wandering the desert with his telepathic dog. Sounds outlandish right?
Well it's where the main story for Fallout came from... so there! I've been very big into Fallout 3 as of late, and when I found that it was mostly based off of an old 70's flick I knew I had to get a peice of that one. It's suprisingly not to bad. (for those who don't know, I'm not a fan of that gainy 60's / 70's look. So that grinds on my gears.) The stories actually interesting, and the "villain" if thats what you could call them is REALLY nice. I wouldn't think of such a thing. And the topper is his only companion is hi dog... who talks to him. They never say if he's a telapath or if the boy has just gone crazy and I like it that way. You get to make it your own. Definatly go check this one out, esspecially if you're a fan of Fallout.
"Well, I'd certainly say she had marvelous judgment, Albert, if not particularly good taste."

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